


You Are My Centre When I Spin Away

by freewithme



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:13:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freewithme/pseuds/freewithme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU FINCHEL - "I just wish I could give this to you, why can't I? Why can't we have this?" She wipes her nose on her sleeve and wonders out loud, "Why can't I? Why? Why, Finn?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the old familiar heartache

**one.**

**the old familiar heartache**

He comes home after 8pm and is immediately concerned with the silence he finds. Stopping for second, he tries to listen for something. Rachel's usually blasting some Broadway tune whilst finishing dinner for them and singing joyfully with the sweetest voice he ever had the pleasure of listening.

Finn goes through the house quietly, thinking maybe she had a headache and had to lay down for a bit. Although she always texts him when she's feeling bad because she know he would go buy something to cheer her up or make her feel better as soon as he heard about it. It's easy as breathing to anticipate your partner's need after almost a decade together and he never gets tired of it. Every day he wishes more time, more moments, more days, and more love with Rachel. All the time in the world is never going to be enough.

When he gets to the main room and sees Rachel lying in bed he immediately feels something weird because she's not wearing her pyjamas. Instead, regular work clothes are covering her tiny body and he starts to feel that something is incredibly wrong. Rachel doesn't like to lay with her work clothes because she doesn't like to mess them up, she always neatly folds them after getting home, a habit he eventually acquired from her, making things much simpler for the next work day, if the clothes are clean, or course. Or, when he's in a hurry, clean-ish. Still good.

He rushes to her side and then he sees it. An otherwise regular paper, but he knows exactly what it means. Taking a deep, shaking breath, he gently removes the paper from her hands and then he reads it, the words that have been hunting and hurting them for almost eight years show up once again.

"No," he whispers softly. "God, no."

He carefully puts his hands on her shoulders and feels her small hiccups. She's sleeping, but her pain is still bubbling through her body, shaking it every so slightly, like it wasn't enough that it dragged her down to bed, it's like it has to keep going for its full effect to be felt. Like they haven't felt it enough over time. It gets through him, too, he feels. The pain exits her body and enter his and he falls to his knees next to the bed, devastated. Fuck, she was so happy a few days ago. So excited. And now this?

She seems so fragile and small in bed, it breaks his heart every single time.

Finn puts his hands on her shoulder and shakes lightly, stirring her up. Gently because at the same time that he doesn't want her to wake up and deal with this again, he still needs to know how she feels so he can work on making her feel better. He needs to be her rock, he needs to be there for her.

"Hi, sweetheart."

She struggles to wake up, sucks a deep breath and hardly opens her eyes. As they open, there is so much pain in them; he feels like it could swallow him to darkness and infinite sadness, a place he would be hopeless, much like he feels right now.

When Rachel looks at him, it's like his heart is being ripped apart. She looks so delicate, her eyes puffy and her lips trembling.

"It's okay, we're going to be okay, baby." He caresses her soft skin and repeats. "I'm here, it's okay."

She closes her eyes and starts to cry in a very soft and heart-breaking manner, it makes him tremble, sorrow overtaking his body and making him close his eyes. He can't take this.

"Finn," she whimpers.

"I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"Why can't I do this?" Her voice breaks, "Why?"

"Honey, it's going to be okay…"

She tries to breathe and shakes her head calmly. "It won't, it won't _ever_ be okay."

"Rach-"

"I just wish I could give this to you, why can't I? Why can't we have this?" She wipes her nose on her sleeve and wonders out loud, "Why can't I? Why? Why, Finn?"

Rachel turns her body to hide away from Finn, feeling that she can't face him and see the look of disappointment on his face once again. She can't do this anymore. Why must this be so hard?

With a muffled voice she says, "I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm just a dry and useless woman, I don't-"

"What?" He can't believe her words. "No, Rachel, you're not, stop that." He heavily shakes his head and gets up, going over the other side of the bed and lying down with her and facing her.

"Rachel, stop this, you're wonderful. God, I know you don't believe me, but you are. You are, baby."

She cries harder at his honest and soft spoken words, why can't this happen for them? With so much love in their heart and so much more left to give, why can't they have this? It's like the universe is playing a trick on them, over and over and over again... and it gets harder to bear the anguish every single time.

Rachel can't stand to know this is happening again. She puts her hands on her face and buries her head in her pillow, just trying to pretend that the last couple of weeks never happened.

Finn scotches over and puts his arm around her, trying to comfort her as he has been doing for the last eight years. It's hard to believe it's been so long, they have been trying for so long. He wonders why it hasn't happened yet. Don't they deserve it?

~.~

**_A few weeks earlier_ **

"Hi, honey!"

Rachel entered the kitchen bouncing with happiness, light on her feet. Finn looks at her amused by her sudden bounciness. Sure, she likes to skip around, but this happy bouncing must mean something more and he can't wait to know what it is. Fuck, she makes him so happy by simply bouncing around.

He looks up from his papers and says, "Hi, babe, what's up?"

Rachel comes over to his side by the table and sits on his lap, putting her left hand on his hair and keeps her right hand behind her back. Giggling, she kisses his lips, making Finn smile, reaching for her mouth again, pure love pouring from his body and making its way towards her, making her feel it, too. He puts his arms around her and tries to deepen the kiss, but she pushes him slightly away. She pecks him again, smiles coyly and bites her lower lip.

She sing songs her next words. "I have something to share with you…"

"Yeah?"

"Yes! And I think you will enjoy it quite a lot, Mr Hudson."

"Consider me very interested, Mrs Hudson. What is it?"

"Well…" she says, enjoying this moment way too much. She has been waiting for this, after all, she's allowed to play around a little. She leans close to his ear and whispers the words they have been waiting for years, "I'm pregnant."

He almost jumps his chair, grabbing her waist harder and opening his eyes wide. "What?! Are you serious right now?!"

She closes her eyes in bliss, nods her head, puts her arms over her head and screams, "YES!"

"Oh my God, Rachel! Really?"

"Yes! I had five tests and they  _all_  came up positive! All of them, Finn! It has never been like this before!"

"Baby, this is so amazing, show me! I want to see them!"

She takes her hands behind her back and shows them to him, completely forgetting that he might think it's a tiny bit gross she peed on them. Oops.

He looks at them in wonder and he can't breathe. This is amazing indeed. Rachel is right, it has never been like this. It must mean something good, right? It just has to.

They look at each other and they can't believe it. It's finally here. Rachel voices their thoughts first. "This is it, honey. We have done it. This is it!" she says excitedly.

Finn doesn't take more than a second to join her. "This is really it, Rach."

He puts the tests over the table, gently picking her hair and pushing it over her ears, all the whilst smiling and breathing deeply, with pure adoration in his eyes. Mixed with tears, of course. He smiles at her. Her face mirrors him, a happy tear escaping her eyes and making its way down her beautiful, beautiful face. He can't remember a time he seen her this happy before. Their wedding dance and song come very close, but this is a very different happiness. It's new and exciting and something they are so ready for.

Kissing her deeply, all he can think about is how much they deserve this, after all this time, after all the heartache, it's finally here.

Breaking away, she whispers against his mouth, "Can I set a day to get a blood test? Will you come with me? I want to make sure I schedule it as soon as it's humanly possible!"

Finn laughs at her shiny enthusiasm.

"Yes, let's do it. Let's call the doctor's office and set it up." He takes a deep breath and says confidently, "This is it, baby. We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby!" Rachel screams in plain delight.

* * *

**Than you for reading. :)**

* * *

 


	2. with tired eyes & tired minds, we slept

**two.**

**with tired eyes & tired minds, we slept**

When Rachel wakes up, she feels so very tired. It is like her body took a hard fall, straight on concrete. She glances at the clock at the bedside table and sees that it is 1:45am, what a strange time to wake up. She feels Finn stir next to her and glances at his face, wondering why they are wearing work clothes, then it all comes rushing back to her. All she could think about was no, no, no, no, no, no. No, not again.

She feels her breath being stolen away from her as the memories flooded her thoughts, making her try to reach her breath, but she can't. She can't breath. She puts her hands on her chest and tries to keep calm, but it's very fucking hard and Rachel wants to scream and cry and curse the entire world because this is just plain cruel. Vile. A sick game someone is playing with her life, her dreams.

Rachel reaches her hand towards Finn and shakes him awake. He is confused at first, but after reality sets in, he pulls her close and rubs his hands on her back, repeating over and over, "Breathe, baby, it's okay. It's going to be okay."

He slowly gets up from the bed and takes her small hands inside his large ones, slowly lifting her up and keeping his words soothing, trying to calm her down. These damn panic attacks are happening every time the results come up negative and he doesn't know how much longer she could take before she completely breaks down. His heart feels like it is being squeezed with knifes all over it, he can only imagine how her own heart is feeling.

After several minutes of trying to control her breath, Rachel starts to breathe normally and, for the first time since Finn got home, she looks him in the eyes. It hurts. It hurts so badly, she doesn't know how to react to these negative tests anymore. She feels like a huge, gigantic failure, there is no other way to describe it. It is like her identity and soul are being taken away from here and she can't do it anything to stop it.

"I'm so tired, Finn.”

"I know, baby. I know." He kisses her forehead to try and ease her nerves, rubbing her arms up and down. "We'll get through this, okay? I promise you, Rachel."

"I just—" an abrupt sob cuts her mid-sentence, shaking her entire body. Closing her eyes, she tries to focus on here and now. Her husband, firm and solid and real and always, always here for her.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't understand why all of this is happening. What is wrong with me?"

"Oh, honey, it's going to be okay. There's nothing wrong with you. We'll figure this out."

She eyes him sceptically. She wants to believe him so greatly, but her hope and faith are slowly slipping away, like sand inside her hand, they are sliding away and she can't even feel they leaving, it's like she's numb. It is a hard feeling to bear. She heard of couples trying for years, but somehow they always make it work. Why couldn't them? Wasn't their love strong enough? She certainly feels it is, is she wrong? Without being able to stop herself, she says, "Isn't our love strong enough, Finn? Is there something missing with us?"

"Rachel, no. You can't think this way, okay? We'll figure this out. We will." He tries to take a deep and calming breath, "We'll sleep on it and think of something in the morning. Or we'll just stay together tomorrow, that's all I care about. I'll call in sick, you'll do the same and we can stay all day together, okay? How does that sound? Is that okay?"

She wants to get excited, she really does, but she can't smile, it is like her face is stuck in an infinite frown. Grumpy Rachel. If she were in a good mood, she could laugh at her own joke, but it is so hard. Everything comes closing down on her, the walls, the weight of their dreams and she can't face them falling apart. If there's a word appropriate for this moment it is this one: can't. She can't breathe, she can't think, she can't act, she can't feel. She just… can't.

She looks into his eyes and is fully honest with him, "Finn, I need you so much right now, I can't do this alone, I-I can't-", another rapid sob escaping her mouth, making her small body lunge forward towards his soothing arms.

Finn helps her close and kisses her hair, whispering, "I love you so much, Rach, I'll be with you every step of the way. I promise, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here."

They both close their eyes and try to soak up in each other's comfort and love, the thing that has undoubtedly keeping them together for this long.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


	3. warm me up and breathe me

**three.**

**warm me up and breathe me**

When Finn wakes up in the following morning he feels dejected and crushed. It's like a sad cloud has taken place above his head and heart, weirdly enough, and refuses to leave, no matter what he does to try and break away from its spell.

After calling his restaurant and asking for his sous chef to cover for him for the day, he calls his mom and let's everything out, unable to stop himself from sharing his deepest fears, fears he only shared with Rachel so far.

He tells his mom how incapable and inadequate he feels, how much of a worthless husband, how much of a worthless man, how weak he is because he can't seem to get them rolling, instead, it's like his weakness brings them further down. He tells her everything. She listens calmly, her heart breaking for her son the entire time, wishing there was something, anything she could do.

When Finn finishes his rant he realises he's crying and that he has never been this sad. He doesn't understand why this time is different. And then he thinks, perhaps it's because Rachel had all the sign, she was more than six weeks late, she took five reliable (or so they say... reliable my ass) pharmacy tests, her body was feeling and acting different, it was like everything was falling into place. Finally. Goodness, fucking finally. After eight years of trying to have a baby, it all felt like it was going to work out.

His mother listens patiently and gives him space to curse and yell and let it all out. Whilst he makes his feelings known, all Carole can think about is that they have the right to be sad right now. After all, they have been waiting for so long. Carole never knew two people who were more perfect to be parents than them, yet it was like the world was against them and didn't want it to happen. Like Rachel, and Finn, and everyone close around them, she couldn't understand. Both are healthy, have good jobs, have a beautiful house, and a wonderful life together. They have almost everything.

Almost.

Finn hangs up the phone, thanking his mom about a few thousand times, and goes to check on Rachel. He comes near their bedroom door and it takes all of his power to not collapse on the floor sobbing right now. Her sleepy sobs, that still haven't give her a fucking rest, are still shaking her body ever so lightly, like a chill cursing through her. He takes a deep breath, joins her on the bed and tries to shield her body from all the hurt around them. Since she keeps sleeping, he figures it's okay to let her rest for a while longer.

~.~

**_A few hours later._ **

As they are lying in bed, looking at each other and breathing in sync, as though it has always been this way, he delicately traces his fingers down her face, trying to assure her that it's going to be okay, they are going to work it out.

She adjusts her body, shifts and does the same, gaining a beautiful slow smile that starts in his mouth and make his eyes (almost) shine. His smile is the most beautiful smile she has ever seen, even this sad version, which makes her heart ache. But she keeps touching his face and he does the same to her. Nothing comforts both of them like physical touch, gently and soothing, so, she figures, this is worth a few good therapy sessions. Sometimes they don't have to talk, just touch each other quietly and peacefully.

She loves to touch his face. If she's honest with herself, she loves to touch all of him, all the time. But the instant reaction on his face makes her feel warm and fuzzy, it builds a slow and steady happiness that lasts and holds on strong for hours, days if it's necessary. It's fine, though, she knows she can and will touch him again soon. It's what keeps her going when she's having a particular hard day. It's closing her eyes and thinking about Finn, Finn, Finn, and his lazy and gorgeous smile, which makes his whole face light up. She can endure very hard days just thinking about his smile. She has before and she knows she will again. Heck, she's doing it right now. Having him lay next to her means everything, really. Knowing she can rely on him whilst going through something hard and sad as this means her heart will find a few to mend its peaces back together eventually. They just have to keep treating each other tenderly  _just_  like this, with love and respect and softness.

"Life is already hard enough," he told her many years ago, "the least I can do to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you it's to touch you in a way you'd like it. Gently if you want. Strong and hard when we're getting down to business in a frenzy also works for me." And then he winked and she knew she couldn't go on living without him. How is this man real again? She wonders this a lot. What she did to deserve him, how she got him to fall for her... She always thought she was an obnoxiously annoying and loveless woman, but then he smiled at her and made her feel important… and that changed everything.

She was surprise the first time he touched her delicately. It was a wonderful surprise to see this tall, big man touching her as though she was the most precious thing in the world to him. So she told him that. "Well, you are, baby girl. You're everything. You're the centre of my entire world and universe and infinite happiness. Forever."

Her therapist says that instant gratification isn't fast enough for her or to any aspect of her life. It never has been. But then she met him... Seeing him, across the room or close to her, so close she can feel his heart beating, it is enough. She doesn't need anything else. His voice, too, is soothing, strong and confident when she hears him from far away, gentle and loving against the skin of her neck where it meets her shoulder. He tells her this is their time, and they are going to be okay.

The first time she was falling asleep, she reached for him, her small and delicate hands landing softly on his face, making sure he was real. She touched him with so much care and love, it made his heart expand, a gentle happiness spreading all over, making his eyes shine with adoration, his mouth stretch and his nose scrunch up just a bit. It was enough to make her decide that staying with this man, in this perfect moment, was the best decision she ever made. It was like her whole life was making her ready for this moment of pure bliss. All the hurt, all the pain… it was all worth it if she could only touch him again.

They have good and bad days, just like everyone else. She wasn't expecting this one to go the way it's going... after the devastating news last night, things are still bad and she's still sad, but as she looks at him, she can't help to maintain some sort of twisted faith. She has him, after all, and that way, nothing seems unreachable. They'll figure this out.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


	4. keeping hope alive

**four.**

**keeping hope alive**

They wake up the next day still feeling sad, of course. But it's a kind of sadness that they are unfortunately used to after many negative results. They understand life keeps going, but the first couple of days are particularly hard. At least now they know better than to let the excitement take over and go on a shopping spree. Rachel did this the first time and then couldn't bear to look at the clothes and toys she bought, begging Finn to throw them out. He keeps them safely tucked away in a box hidden away from their eyes, at the back of a closet in their basement because he still has faith they're going to use them one day.

Some day.

Finn wakes up first and goes to the kitchen to make Rachel's morning tea, just like always, ever since the first day they moved in together. He tries to think of ways to fix this situation, perhaps going to get another doctor's opinion or something. Since they have been trying to get pregnant, they've been through six doctors already. Maybe the answer is going to come with the next one? Surely there must be a way for Rachel to have a baby. They always hear so many successful stories, why can't their story be one of those?

Besides going for the natural way, they also tried artificial insemination before, four years after they first made the decision to have a baby. Three years ago. It didn't work and it somehow made Rachel feel even worse because if specialised doctors couldn't make her pregnant, was it really time to give up on their dream? The second she uttered those words it made Finn's heart break in a totally new and painful way. A way, at the time, he didn’t know it was possible, but would found out soon enough that its fresh sadness would lodge itself in his heart and make its way through his vein, taking years of getting used to.

They had long and serious talks about their future after that. Often their conversations would start with them being positive and try to think of solutions, but always ended up both of them crying and lamenting their situation. When they decided to get pregnant at 24, two years of getting married, all of their couple friends say they were too young and would waste away their young married life, that they should enjoy it whilst it lasts because they could travel and learn so many new and exciting things...

Finn and Rachel, however, left no room for argument, explaining they have been planning their lives and the decision to have a baby was not taken lightly, they wanted a child and they truly felt they were ready for it. Both of them had always wanted a family ever since they were very young. It was their time and they were going to give their all to be the best parents possible.

After three years of trying with no success, it was their friends' time to begin thinking of starting a family. They were all growing up after all, almost hitting thirty. And so they did. First it came Mercedes and Sam's child, Jennifer. Then Tina and Mike got pregnant with Alice. And then Santana and Quinn adopted Grace.

Every time a new pregnancy was announced, Finn and Rachel would deal with the everlasting struggle that was balancing their joy for their friends, but sadness for themselves. Their friends were very understanding throughout all of these years and would often not make a big deal when sharing the news because they knew how Finn and Rachel felt. And they knew better than to get upset if they didn't celebrate as hard. None of their friends could ever understand their pain, so they shared the news and let Finn and Rachel deal with it the way their felt like it, always making sure they were comfortable and giving them plenty of time and space to absorb the new information.

Despite their inner sadness, Finn and Rachel loved their nephews and nieces. They treated them with all the love and care in the world. They loved to babysit and spend time with them as much as they could, always being a phone call away. Particularly when their friends wanted to travel and their kids were still much too young to be thrown into new and adventurous situations, as happened quite a lot with Santana and Quinn, as they always loved to explore new cultures and that didn’t cease after Grace came into their lives.

Rachel, being a kindergarten teacher, always had the most fun and instigating activities for them, knowing how much fun it was both for the babies and for herself. Being able to see a baby develop was one of the most beautiful things in life and she loved every minute she spent with either her students or her friends’ children. Her students were also special to her, always being handled with patience and tenderness.

As Finn thinks about their journey so far, he gathers a fruit salad, some whole wheat bread with butter and her signature chamomile tea in a tray and takes them to Rachel in their bedroom.

He goes over to her side of the bed, drops the tray by the foot of the bed and carefully puts his right hand on her forehead, brushing away her bangs.

"Rach, it's time to wake up.” He brushes his lips against the tip of her nose. “Rise and shine, beautiful."

Rachel stirs slightly and scrunches her nose, smelling her favourite tea and giving Finn a small sleepy smile with sleepy eyes.

He looks at her with so much adoration in his eyes, it makes her heart heal a tiny little bit. After all, it’s a slow healing every time. And Finn really is wonderful at healing her heart.

He smiles and says, "Hi, beautiful."

She takes a deep breath, stretches her body and says, "Hi, honey. Is this for me?"

"Always."

"Mm. It smells wonderful. Thank you."

Rachel sits and Finn puts the tray over her legs, seeing her rub her hands and try to decide what she wants to eat first. He goes over to his side of the bed and sits beside her, a comfortable silence enveloping them, making Rachel lean over his shoulder, to which Finn responds by kissing her forehead.

“So, I’ve been thinking…”

She looks up at him curiously.

“Yes?”

He takes a deep breath.

“What do you feel about getting a new doctor?”

“A new doctor…?”

He gives her a pointed look.

She sighs, her eyes closing. “Oh.”

“Yeah… I mean, maybe the next one’s the one? Who can tell, really? I think we should try it. What do you think?”

She drops her food and bites her lips, mulling it all in her head.

“I don’t know, Finn… as much as it tears me up inside, I have to say that—”

“Don’t. Don’t say it, Rach. We can do this.”

“But, honey…” She turns her body towards his, taking hold of his hand. “We’ve been trying for so long—”

“We can do this. We can. We just have to find the right doctor.”

She takes a deep breath and looks at him, his eyes sincere, open and trusting in a way it makes her dizzy. He believes in them _so_ much it makes her heart ache. She wants to believe, too, but it’s just hard. It hurts too much.

She still doesn’t seem sure, so he pushes further, “I don’t want to give up, Rach. We deserve this so bad.”

“I know. I’m just… I’m scared of going through months of medication again and then everything falling apart. I don’t know how much more I can take, Finn.”

“I say we try one more time. We’re still only 31, sweetheart. Don’t we hear stories about people who are 40 and up and get pregnant? We _do_ have a shot. We _do_.”

Rachel takes a moment to digest his words. She closes her eyes, reaches her hands to his face and tries to focus on him. It’s something she does to maintain focus whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed, she closes her eyes and touches his handsome face and it brings peace to her heart in a very specific and healing way. It keeps her calm and grounded. He closes his eyes, too. Leaning against her forehead, he gently kisses the tip of her nose and takes a deep breath.

What Finn says is true. They are only 31 and they _are_ still very young, they have to exhaust all of their resources before thinking of other ways to have a family. Adoption has been a subject they’ve been discussing ever since they’ve known each other. Given that Rachel is adopted, she is strongly for it to happen. But getting pregnant and having a baby inside of her has always been a dream... it’s hard, sometimes, to balance her desires and her conceptions of the world. There are always her morals, the rational part of her… and then there are her dreams. Certainly, a lot of children need a home and a family, she is quite aware of that. But sometimes… sometimes all she wants is to be selfish and have a mini Rachel or Finn running around their house. She imagines her hair and his dimples and her heart aches for that. Is it really so wrong to be selfish?

After about five years of trying, they decided they would adopt if they both became 40 and had no other way to conceive by themselves. They still have nine years for that. Maybe it is time to explore other options… Rachel’s previous doctor dealt with her severe endometriosis by suggesting fertility drugs. And they did more harm than good every single time she tried them. She had to deal with flashes in her vision during a long period of time and they refused to go away, making it almost impossible for her to work. She also had constant abdomen pain and a rapid gain of weight; all of this making her feel undesirable, making it even harder for her to be intimate with Finn. After a while dealing with this, they decided to be as natural as possible, which did not bring positive results either. It was, and continues to be, a very frustrating path.

Rachel stops her inner turmoil, stops re-thinking about their history and focus on Finn once again. Opening her eyes, she takes a deep, shuddering breath and looks deep into his eyes.

“Okay, let’s try another doctor.”

Finn smiles and reaches into her face, bringing her lips to his and kissing her gently. Rachel smiles into the kiss and delicately trades her fingers through his hair. They separate and share a soft laugh.

“I really think this is for the best, babe. Dr. Patel is great, but it doesn’t hurt to try and get another opinion.”

She smiles shyly at him, nodding her head. “You’re right. You are. I’m so glad you keep us steady, honey.”

He leans and kisses her forehead, getting out of bed to shower and leave for work.

“I have to go to work now, but on my break I’ll try to look for new references and then we’ll talk more when I get home, is that okay?”

Rachel picks up her food again, nods her head, “That’s great. I’ll look for someone new when I come back home, too.”

He smiles at her by the bathroom door and it takes her breath away. Every single time.

He says in a reassuring voice, “We can do this.”

She nods and smiles at him, hoping that he’s right.

~.~

Later that night, Finn comes home with several doctors names, excited to share them with Rachel. She has her own names, too. Together they call the doctor’s office and set up an appointment for later in the week, following Rachel’s co-worker’s recommendation.

~.~

On the day of the appointment, Rachel is a nervous ball. Or as Finn likes to call it “Fun size energy ball”. She side-eyes him every time, but secretly loves it.

They’re sitting at the doctor’s office waiting for their name to be called. The doctor was a recommendation of one of Rachel’s co-workers, a woman who has the same problem as Rachel.

The assistant calls for them, “Mr and Mrs Hudson, please.” She smiles at them when Rachel raises her hands. “Right this way, please. Dr Lewis is ready for you.”

Rachel gets up fast and looks nervously around, Finn right behind her, rubbing his hands up and down her back. She’s thankful he’s always there to bring her back down.

They go into the office, greeting Dr Lewis and sitting down. She receives them with a warm smile, and Finn immediately feels good about himself and this particular doctor.

“So,” she says, “How may I help, Mr and Mrs Hudson?”

Finn and Rachel look at each other and smile.

~.~

As they’re leaving the office and heading to the car, Rachel gushes about Dr Lewis, “Oh my gosh, she is so wonderful, Finn!” she says, looking up at him and beaming.

Finn looks at her and can’t help the big laugh that bubbles out of his mouth. His wife is too cute for this world. He nods. “Yeah, babe, she was.”

“Oh! I’m so excited, Finn!” Rachel says, clapping her hands and doing her usual happy dance. “I honestly do think she can help us! Did you see how many more couples she helped?! And some were trying for twelve years before meeting her!” she says, looking up and holding her left hand over her heart. Her voice is dreamy and that fills Finn’s heart with hope.

He stops all of a sudden, Rachel giving him a strange look. He smiles to reassure her and holds both of her hands in his, “I really feel like this is it, babe. Everything in our path brought us to her office. This is it. It’s gonna work.”

Rachel looks up at Finn with a small smile and watery eyes. “I think so, too, honey,” she says softly. She stretches her neck and gives him a kiss. “This is going to happen, I can feel it.”

“Me too,” Finn whispers, hugging her to his body and kissing the top of her head.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


	5. decision making

**five.**

**decision making**

The next couple of weeks pass by in a blur, Rachel and Finn making sure to complete all the exams Dr Lewis asked them to and it’s honestly _exhausting_ , making Rachel remember the first time they went through this process. She voices her concerns to Finn, who tries to calm her down, always the serene one.

“Please don’t stress yourself out, sweetheart,” Finn says, stretching his hands and covering her shoulders, squeezing them tenderly. He looks deep into her eyes and says, “We have to keep a positive outlook. What is it you always say about your students when they get sick?”

She gives him a small smile, knowing what he’s talking about. “Children are more resilient because they believe everything will be okay?”

“Exactly. Let’s just…” He shrugs one shoulder, shooting her a gentle smile. “Let’s just be more childlike and everything will be fine,” he finishes, kissing her temple.

She beams at him and his beautiful heart, her own filling with the adoration she has for this amazing man.

~.~

Finn and Rachel go back to Dr Lewis’ office with the results and they sit there, not being able to breathe until she opens and reads all of them in a way Finn can only describe as a turtle pace. Turtles probably read this slowly, with their… slowness and limitless patience. Finn is a not a turtle, though, so he does not possess limitless patience.

Finn groans internally when Dr Lewis frowns and traces her fingers through the papers, goes back and forth, grabs a pen and circles some things and he’s honestly _dying_.

Rachel is clinging Finn’s hand and her nails are digging into his skin, but he doesn’t even realises it.

After several _long_ moments, Dr Lewis looks at them and a smile stretches very gently across her face. Finn’s breath gets caught in his throat and Rachel sits a little straighter in her seat.

“Well, Mr and Mrs Hudson,” she starts. “I have some very good news.”

Finn lets out a long breath, slowly pushing through his trembling lips. A slowly smile makes its way into his face and he leans over and kisses the side of Rachel’s head, who looks at him with tears in her eyes, lower lip wobbling. She gives him a shy smile and Finn raises their joined hands to his mouth, kissing her knuckles.

“I have to be honest with you two. After our first talk, I thought your results would be worse because of your history, but… they’re not.” Dr Lewis gives them an encouraging smile when they both frown. “They’re very good, in fact. The period that Rachel spent without drugs in her system was enough to make her body stronger, in a way,” Dr Lewis explains slowly.

“Does that mean I don’t have severe endometriosis anymore?” Rachel asks.

“Actually, the endometriosis could still be classified as severe, but new studies show that your results can also be classified as mild, Mrs Hudson. And that’s great news. Truly. I think our best shot really is single embryo transfer via _in vitro,_ ” she says. “I’m going to have to sit down with my staff and do the complete math, but it looks to me your success rate would be around 51%, which is positively wonderful.”

“Dr Lewis, I have a question,” Finn says. “Do you have a personal success rate? Like, more than 51% maybe?” Finn asks cautiously, eyes narrowing. “We just… we just want to make sure this is our very _best_ option.”

“It’s actually very tricky to speak about success rates at all, Mr Hudson. Canada unfortunately does not have a standardisation of reports by fertility clinics so it’s quite hard to speak of it at all. The rate I just gave you is specific to your case, women under 35 with severe endometriosis with a husband with no health problems. Broadly speaking, the national success rate for women under 35 is around 48%, however they don’t specify their results or classify women and their struggles,” Dr Lewis explains. “Nevertheless, I pride myself in being scrupulous with protocols and getting a full, detailed profile of every single patient that comes through my door. My success rate right now, with this particular method, and talking about patients that share Rachel’s profile, stands at 53%, Mr Hudson.”

“Really?” Rachel asks in wonder. “That’s so great!” she exclaims, squeezing Finn’s hand.

“I’m going to do my best if you chose this course of treatment. My staff is fully equipped to deal with this situation. How do you feel about this right now?” Dr Lewis asks.

“We – we actually never thought about it,” Finn responds.

“May I ask why?”

“It’s just…” Rachel sighs sadly. “I think we, deep down, were fooling ourselves into thinking this wasn’t as serious as it is so we subconsciously avoided this method. Does that sound ridiculous?”

“Not at all, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis responds honestly, a soft look on her face. “That happens with a lot more people than one might think. Sure, it’s always good to believe something will work out – in fact, I do encourage it – but looking at the entire picture can also be beneficial. You guys are looking at the whole picture now and, from where I stand, I think you can make a better decision,” Dr Lewis smiles at them.

“Can we take some time to think about this?” Rachel asks.

“Certainly.” Dr Lewis responds. She reaches into a drawer and pulls out a bunch of papers. “I’m going to give you some reading material and a few references so you can make an educated decision.”

Rachel takes all of the papers, looking through them. She raises her head and says, “Thank you so much, Dr Lewis. We’ll let you know as soon as we make a decision.”

~.~

After spending the rest of the day and most of the night reading every single word of the references Dr Lewis gave them, Finn and Rachel go to bed completely exhausted. They are happily tired, if there is such a thing. Yes, it’s a lot of work, but the satisfaction of learning things that can actually help them have a baby is enough to make all the work worth it.

(Even the headache Rachel got from eating frozen açaí too fast. Still, though. Totally worth it. And it did give her an energy boost, so even more worth it.)

The next morning, Rachel calls and sets up an appointment with Dr Lewis for the next day. She doesn’t want to waste a single second and neither does Finn.

When they get to Dr Lewis’ office, Rachel is a nervous ball. She and Finn may have decided already, but she has a lot of questions.

The assistant calls their names and Rachel gets up in a swift motion, knocking all the papers from her lap. Finn lets out a small chuckle at her impatient behaviour, kneeling down to pick everything up.

They get inside Dr Lewis’ office, greet her and sit down.

“Hello, Mr and Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis says.

“Hi, Dr Lewis. We’re back because we already read through everything you gave us,” Rachel quickly says. “Plus a little something from the Internet.”

Dr Lewis lets out a small chuckle under her breath, giving Rachel a compassionate smile. “I’m sure glad you are back. And I’m very impressed with how fast you two went through everything. You must be more anxious than I thought.”

“Oh yes,” Rachel says, eagerly nodding her head. “We didn’t want to waste another second.”

“I understand your reasoning,” Dr Lewis says. “And what have you decided?”

Rachel looks at Finn, and he gestures positively his head, giving her a small smile.

“Yes! We’ll do it!”

“Wonderful!” Dr Lewis beams. “Let’s go through the details then, shall we?”

Rachel smiles coyly at Finn, receiving a loving kiss on her temple.

~.~

On the way home, Finn and Rachel can’t contain themselves. Finn keeps shaking his head and smiling, biting his lip to keep his face from splitting open and Rachel keeps giggling and covering her mouth. They can hardly believe this is happening. Dr Lewis can actually give them a baby! A baby! A real baby! Human baby! Inside of Rachel’s!

Finn and Rachel were already aware of the overwhelming amount of things they would have to do, but Dr Lewis actually sitting down with them and writing every single detail down on a calendar made everything even more real. The entire process takes only a couple of months, which is nothing compared to everything they have ever been through. Finn didn’t actually think it would be this fast when they first went to Dr Lewis’ office, but at this point, not even instantly would be fast enough. It’s like instant gratification isn’t fast enough.

Finn sighs happily and looks at Rachel, giving her a soft smile.

They have never been more ready.

* * *

**Than you for reading. :)**


	6. about periods

**six.**

**about periods.**

First things first, Rachel needs to call Dr Lewis as soon as her period arrives so they can start the her medication on the second day of her period.

She has been checking a lot for the last couple of days, going to the bathroom more than it's humanly possible. Or healthy. Whenever she's around people – notably near the acute and suspicious eyes of one Santana Lopez – they always give her sympathetic looks, like her insides are at war. Rachel always responds with a small smile, never handing out an explanation. Santana doesn't relinquish easily, but luckily, Rachel has always been great at changing subjects.

Ugh, this is ridiculous! Rachel always knew anxiety levels could make people miss or delay even further their periods, but this has got to be some new kind of record!

She has never been more disappointment in the fact that her period has never been regular. And even taking birth control didn't help much, her cycles insisting on being at least 35 freaking days long. After a couple of years she simply gave up inserting drugs into her system. If they didn't help, she would certainly not be in favour of continuing on taking them so they could potentially harm her in the future. It doesn't help that Mercedes is a doctor and is always dropping random bits of information that might have made Rachel lose sleep for a few nights. Okay, a lot of nights.

But about this period thing… it's like the entire Universe stands to affront her and her desires.

Rachel sighs as she leaves the bathroom. Once again. That makes it four times just this single morning. She thought she felt some cramping and wanted to check if her period was finally here, but it wasn't. She huffs and stomps her tiny foot against the hardwood floor of her home, crossing her arms around her chest and making an annoyed face at the mirror on the corridor. It might not help, but it does make her feel better.

She comes back to kitchen to keep on eating her breakfast with Finn. Just as she's sitting down, Finn raises his eyes from the newspaper. "Did you get your period?"

Rachel eyes him suspiciously, hands resting on her hips. "How did you know I was going to check that?"

Finn gives her a knowing look and she remembers that yes, he knows her quite well. Too well. Sometimes even better than she knows herself.

Sitting down, Rachel sighs heavily and pouts, looking at Finn with her big brown eyes. "Not yet."

"It's okay, sweetheart," Finn consoles her, hand reaching out for hers. He strokes her knuckles then brings them to his lips and kisses them softly. "It's coming, Rach. I can feel it."

"That sounds so weird, honey," she says, giggling a little. Finn chuckles at her laugh, leaning in and kissing her gently. "But honestly," she continues. "I'm so desperate that I will take it."

~.~

A few days later, Rachel is getting home from her day when her phone buzzes in her pocket. She enters the house, putting her keys inside the bowl next to the entrance before heading to the living room. Getting inside and putting her things over the centre table in the living room, she sits down on the couch, tired feet resting on the table. She sighs as she reaches for her phone.

**Hi, baby. Taking a break before dinner rush. Any period yet? :p**

She rolls her eyes at Finn's text. He _so_ would text her asking about her period in the middle of his work day.

**Not yet, honey. And stop texting me to see if blood is coming out of me! This is so weird. Feels like major tmi.**

**Pfft! We've been together since forever, seriously nothing is weird or tmi. I love you. All of you.**

**Still, this only puts more pressure on me. :(**

**Shit. I'm sorry, Rach. I was trying to lighten the mood, I didn't think of it like that. I'll stop now.**

Rachel smiles softly at his efforts. He is just… _so_ Finn. He is too sweet, he can't help himself. Ever since they first knew each other, he was always concerned in making her laugh. And she's certain he's about the cutest person that exists.

(Which does not, for the record, negates the fact that he's also the sexiest man to ever walk this Earth.)

Hopefully Finn's not the cutest for _too_ long because she has a feeling deep inside of her heart that their baby could be the cutest and most adorable human in the world.

**No, Finn, it's okay. I like that you're worried, too. You truly are my everything. :) And let's be honest, no one is ever more worried than me. I love you so much, honey.**

**You are mine, Rach. :) Let me know if I'm annoying you, though, I don't want to upset you, ever.**

**Okay. :)**

**I have to go back to work now, beautiful. Do you want me to bring some food home?**

**Garlic bread, please! I've been craving it today for some reason.**

At the mention of garlic bread, Rachel's stomach rumbles. She waits for Finn's answer before getting up and heading to the kitchen to fix something for herself. Maybe there's still some garlic bread hidden somewhere…

**Will do, Mrs Hudson. :) See you later tonight, sweetheart.**

Butterflies fly all over Rachel's inside when Finn calls her Mrs Hudson and she blushes, her insides warm and filled with pure love. It is always like this when it comes to her relationship with Finn and Rachel likes to think it will always be this way. As long as they keep treating each other just like this, everything will be okay.

**I'll see you then, Mr Hudson. :)**

~.~

Rachel's fathers come over for dinner on Monday night, it's a regular dinner date they have every two weeks and Finn and Rachel absolutely love it. Finn's restaurant is always closed on Mondays, so he has the entire day to prepare something and think about new recipes for the restaurant. Honestly, it's a win/win.

Rachel excuses herself for the third time before dinner is even served, and Leroy gives Finn an inquisitive look. "Is something wrong with Rachel, Finn?"

Finn shrugs his shoulder. "Not that I'm aware, Leroy," He offers Leroy more wine, which seems to distract him for the time being. Thankfully. Finn is about just the worst liar there has ever existed, possibly. Probably.

Rachel comes back from the bathroom a few moments later when Hiram – who seemed to be oblivious to everything as he is currently checking out Finn's new additions to his knife collection – asks, "Are you okay, Princess? It's the third time you went to the bathroom already," he asks, turning his body towards his daughter, a worried look on his face.

Leroy also looks at Rachel, the curious look back on his face. "Yes, Rachel, are you sick? Should we be concerned?"

Finn's eyes widen slightly and he looks at Rachel, hoping she can deflect her fathers' stares. She doesn't disappoint. And even though she freezes for one imperceptible moment, she quickly recovers and a small smile graces her features. "No, everything is okay, dads. I just drank too much white tea today."

Leroy and Hiram give the impression of buying Rachel's explanation and nod their heads, Hiram calling for Leroy to check out the most beautiful carbon steel vintage Sabatier he has ever seen and their attention has been officially diverged.

Finn lets out a slow breath and gives Rachel a subtle low five, getting a nimble wink accompanied with a small grin in return.

~.~

Rachel comes back from the bathroom and sits on the table with Santana when the woman gives her a narrowed stare and asks, "Okay, what exactly is happening, Nugget?"

Rachel responds with an annoyed look. "You know I'm not the biggest fan of that nickname, Santana."

"Too fucking bad, you're cute like a nugget so just deal with it already."

Rachel rolls her eyes at her friend. She tries to continue on eating her pasta, but Santana slaps her hand away from her fork, making it clink against her place.

"Santana!"

"I know something is up, Rachel. Tell me."

"Nothing is going on, can't I just go to the bathroom?" Rachel huffs and looks down at her plate, picking up the fork again and moving it over her food. "Don't you have to pee, Santana? Aren't you human?" she jokes, giggling a little at her own words.

Santana doesn't back down, still staring hard. "I just think it's funny how you want to pretend I don't know you. Because I do. Because we're _friends_ , see?"

"Oh my gosh, do _not_ play that card."

Santana shrugs, eyes wide and innocent, like she has no idea what she's doing. "Seriously, Rachel. You can tell me," she insists, her voice quiet and Rachel knows she means it. Of course, she would never doubt it. This is Santana after all. Santana is Finn's best and oldest friend, and she immediately took a liking to Rachel and her bubbly presence, almost as fast as Finn had when they first met.

Santana interrupts her inner thoughts as she asks, "Are you sick or something?" There's a hint of genuine concern colouring her voice and Rachel feels really bad right now. She and Finn have closed themselves up so strongly when it comes to their struggles that she doesn't even know how to explain to someone what they're doing. She wants to. She wants to a lot, but she doesn't remember how to have that conversation anymore.

Rachel sighs, her inner thoughts upsetting her more than she should have let them. She forces a small smile on her face. "I'm okay, San, don't worry about me. I just drank too much tea on my drive here."

Santana stares at her for a few but long moments. She nods slowly, closing and opening her eyes. She gives Rachel a meaningful look when she says, "You know you can always talk to me if you need to, right? About anything."

Rachel's slight smile is honest when she replies, "I know, San."

~.~

They're both reading in bed later that night when Rachel tells him in a quiet voice, "I wanted to tell San today. Like, I really wanted to tell her. Everything."

Finn raises his eyebrow at Rachel's words. He drops his book on his lap and turns towards his wife because he knows how much it means to her when he pays her full attention when she's talking like this, all quiet, with a sad tone on her voice. Not that he doesn't always pay her the attention she deserves, but he knows how sensitive Rachel has been and he wants to make sure she knows that he will always be available to listen to her.

"Yeah? What happened?"

Rachel sighs. She closes her book and sets in aside, over her bedside table. She looks at Finn with sad eyes and comes closer to him. Finn puts his own book away and extends his arms, wordlessly asking her to lean on him. She does, resting her head just over his heart and letting the steady heartbeat calm down her own erratic heart. Her hands are splayed across his stomach and she clings a little to his pyjama shirt.

"I went to the bathroom because… well, you know what I was checking for." She feels him move his chin against the top of her head. "When I came back she asked me about it and was insisting and then she did her quiet voice, you know which one?" She looks up at him and he nods, knowing exactly what she's talking about. Santana has the power to make people break down their walls with her quiet voice and gentle words. It's not something people who don't truly know her would ever guess, but she's kind of super great at the talking about feelings. And of course, Rachel loves to talk about feelings so they're kind of a perfect match for that.

"I just… I _actually_ wanted to tell her, Finn."

"Why didn't you?" he probes quietly, fingers running down the side of her arm.

"I don't know," she sighs sadly. "I don't think I even know how to start that conversation."

They stay cuddled up like that for a few moments before Rachel breaks the silence. "Would you mind if I told her?"

"No. Not at all." She nods against his chest, her fingers clinging a little tighter on his shirt as she inhales a long breath.

"Hey, Rach?" he whispers.

"Hm?"

"Honest?" he asks. She looks up at him, trying to read his face for a moment, trying to figure out what he wants to say.

They have a lot of mannerisms in their relationship and this just one of many. If one of them asks "honest?" and the other one concurs, they're about to say something important, maybe something big, maybe something minor. But they ask because they want to make sure the other one knows that whatever they're about to say is not to upset them. It's not about being hurtful; it's about being honest.

"Honest," she replies, licking her lips and staring at his face.

Finn takes in a deep breath through his nose and shakes his head a little. "It really sucks going through this alone," he admits. "I mean, I know we're not alone _alone_ because we have each other. And I know that, I _do_. It's great that we have and love each other, but not telling our friends or family and like, getting sucked into this sad part by ourselves really, _really_ sucks, Rach." He closes his eyes, like it's too painful to say these words and look at her eyes at the same time, and tears start welling in Rachel's eyes at the sight of her husband breaking down like this. "I know we talked about this before, so many times, I _know_ that. And I know we don't want to deal with the disappointment from everyone else but ourselves because we're used to it already, and yeah, it would be painful as hell to impose that pain on other people, but I just…" he sighs and a few tears slip from his dejected eye. Rachel immediately sits down and curves her fingers on his jaw, her thumb brushing under his eye as he cries silently. She leans her forehead against his, both hands now resting softly on either side of his face. "I just," he tries again, blowing a hot, heavy breath between the tiny space between their faces. "I just really wish we had someone to talk to sometimes, you know? I feel so isolated from everyone and it hurts _so_ much."

Rachel's heart is positively in a million little pieces by now. "Honey…" she says, tears now flowing freely from her own saturated eyes. "I know how you feel."

Finn sniffles and looks at her. "You do?"

She nods. "We can tell San if you want," she says gently. "I know I want to. She would be a great companion on this journey. Her and Quinn."

"Yeah?" he breathes. His eyes are red and a little swollen. He's probably been holding this in for far too long, afraid to say anything and hurt Rachel's feelings.

"Yes," she asserts. Leaning in and kissing her lips, Finn breathes a sigh of relief. He hugs Rachel closer, resting his arms around her shoulders as her arms circle his waist, clinging to him for dear life. He's clinging to her, too. He lowers Rachel back on the bed, the salty taste of their tears mix together as they forget about their hurt and pain for a second and focus only on each other.

~.~

They decide to tell Santana and Quinn just before their embryo transfer happens, still a few weeks from now. They thought about it and discussed telling them right now, but really… there's not much to tell at this point. After their emotional night, they are both feeling much better, and plus, Rachel's not even taking her shots yet.

They can wait a little while longer.

~.~

Finn is shaving by their bathroom sink Saturday morning when he suggests, "I think we should just… not think about it." He shrugs his shoulders and continues, "I think that way it'll just come naturally, you know?"

Rachel is soaking up in the tub, a soft song playing in the bathroom. She has her eyes closed and she's almost sleeping, a soft smile on her face. "Mmm," she mutters mindlessly.

"Maybe doing something different, you know? That way we can focus on the new thing and forget about it," Finn says, sliding the blade against his face. He stops for a second, looking at the mirror and pursing his lips. "Hey, maybe we can try and learn chess?" he wonders out loud. "You know I always wanted to learn that. For like, when I'm retired or something. And it will surely keep us occupied; there are so many freaking rules. Draughts is so much easier," he rambles. "Your dads know how to play it, don't they? Maybe they could teach us?"

"Mhmm."

"Baby? Are you listening?" he asks, splashing water on his face and softly rubbing a towel on his face, to remove the excess of the shaving cream. He turns to Rachel and tilts his head to the side. "Rach?"

"Hmm," she mutters again, never opening her eyes.

As Finn is finishing drying off his jaw, he can see her relaxing inside the tub and a soft smile makes its way to his face, she looks so at peace, he wishes he could save this memory forever.

After so many years together, they have a lot of rituals, but their Saturday morning routine is one of the moments in their lives Finn cherishes the most. When he's shaving and Rachel is taking a long warm bath, it's like the entire world is envelop in serenity and everything is okay.

He comes closer to the bathtub and kisses her forehead, getting another mindless sound in return.

Going to their closet, Finn picks up his outfit for the day and gets dressed, getting ready to spend the entire day at the restaurant. After he's done, he can hear the water draining and he knows Rachel's about to join him at any moment. He sits down on the bench and puts on his socks. He's grabbing his shoes when a scream penetrates the closet, coming from the bathroom.

"Finn!" Rachel shouts. "Come here!"

Finn gets up and hurries through the few steps to the bathroom. What he finds there is not at all what he would ever expect. Rachel is sitting on top of the lid of the toilet, body wrapped in a soft lilac robe as she beams at him.

"I GOT MY PERIOD!" she screams just as he enters the bathroom, not giving him any time to respond or even say a word. She squeals as she rushes over to him, jumping up and down from excitement.

Finn recuperates from his wild heartbeat and grins at Rachel, accepting her tiny body being thrown onto his larger one. He hugs her tightly, feeling her heart hammering against her ribcage. Sure, this is only step one, but he's super excited already.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**


	7. shots

**seven.**

**shots**

Dr Lewis patiently explains (again) to a very scared Rachel how to inject Puregon 600 IU into her own tummy, four digits to the side of her belly button. They're not using real needles or anything, Dr Lewis is really only just explaining to Rachel how everything the works, but Rachel's still very scared. She knew, she  _knew_  she was going to have to deal with needles and she positively freaks out. She even cries a little, but Finn manages to call her down quick enough so it doesn't escalate to a full sobbing session.

Rachel then asks Dr Lewis to teach Finn, so if she has another "minor breakdown", he can help her through the seven days of needle torture as she so candidly describes it. Furthermore, she is incredibly scared of doing something wrong and ruining the entire process. They have been through enough already; she does not wish to have another weight added to her already heavy shoulders.

Dr Lewis keeps her peaceful demeanour, entirely accustomed to this expected behaviour from her patients. She gently demonstrates and guides Finn through the entire process, repeating everything twice when he asks her to. He pays close attention, absorbing all the information, not interested in messing this up in the slightest. After all, Rachel is not the only one afraid in this situation. After Dr Lewis finishes explaining, she asks Rachel if it's okay for Finn so inject the first shot. Rachel eagerly nods, more than happy to let her husband take charge.

"Great job, Mr Hudson," Dr Lewis congratulates, giving Finn a small smile.

Rachel is next, she whimpers at first, but perseveres through her fear and follows Dr Lewis' instructions. Her hands are shaking and she's biting her lower lip hard enough to almost draw blood, but she does it. She injects a dummy shot to test the waters and breathes a sigh of relief after it's done.

After the entire stressful process, they sit down and talk, ultimately coming to the decision Finn will give Rachel the shots. Rachel happily agrees, giving Finn an encouraging smile when his own falters for a moment, his mouth hanging open from the anxiety running through his veins. Dr Lewis also reassures him, her supportive words making him compose himself and agree to their suggestion.

"Another thing, Mr and Mrs Hudson," Dr Lewis says. "Because the intake of hormones is going to be tremendous in the next couple of days, Mrs Hudson has to make sure to eat plenty of protein and avoid anything with caffeine, no chocolate or coffee or anything of the sort, understood?" Finn quickly nods, already thinking about recipes to make for Rachel. "This is going to be like biggest PMS period you have ever gone through, Mrs Hudson, so watch out for what you eat and drink. And make sure to call me if you have any questions," Dr Lewis concludes.

Rachel nods, making sure to remember everything that's been said to her. "I guess this is one of the times to best appreciate the fact that I have a chef for a husband, huh?" Rachel jokes, making both Finn and Dr Lewis smile.

~.~

The second shot is significantly less stressful than the first one.

Dr Lewis instructs them to inject the shot in the evening, around 9pm, given that the first one was given to Rachel at 7:43pm, so she has to take the next six shots at a similar time, not stretching farther than ninety minutes, either before or after than the first one.

Finn talks to his _sous chef_ and lets her know he has to leave the restaurant before the dinner shift is over for a couple of days. He doesn’t let out much detail, as much as he considers Kitty to be a friend. Finn has been planning on giving Kitty more responsibilities anyway and this is a great opportunity. Especially considering Rachel’s new treatment and the possible future because if this all really pans out, he will be spending a lot of time at home with his wife and (hopefully) baby. Fertility treatments are stressful and emotionally draining, Finn would never forgive himself if Rachel felt a tiny bit alone in the process, so he really wants to make sure he’s there for her every step of the way, just he has always been, ever since they got married.

Kitty is thrilled with the news, of course. She does a happy dance around the kitchen, super excited to be in charge of everything, even if it’s just for a few days. Finn laughs at her enthusiastic behaviour and reminds her to be careful and to call him if she needs anything or if something happens. After sobering up and listening to everything Finn has to say, Kitty says her goodbyes as Finn heads out the door, ready to go home and be with Rachel.

Finn texts Rachel that he’s on his way home, making sure to remember her to take the medication out of the refrigerator so it can cool off to room temperature. When he gets home, Rachel is waiting for him in the living room, anxiously biting her fingernails and pacing back and forth. A worried look on her face as she talks to herself.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Finn says.

Rachel comes out of her trance-like state and turns towards Finn. “Finn! You’re finally here! Let’s do this already, I’m already freaking out!” she yells.

Finn goes over to where she’s standing, giving her a tender kiss and rubbing her shoulders in his large hands, trying to soothe her anxious state.

“It’s okay, baby, I’m just going to wash my hands and we’ll get this over with,” Finn says. As he’s heading to the washroom, he tells her, “Remember to breathe, Rachel. It’s going to be fine.”

When Finn comes back, Rachel reaches for the medication case on the table and hands it over to Finn, giving him an apprehensive look.

Finn tries to give her a small smile. “Rachel, please don’t look at me like that, you’re making me kinda nervous.”

Rachel frowns sadly. “I’m so sorry, honey,” She reaches for him, putting her hands on either side of his face and kissing him gently. “You know I’m just really… _really_ afraid of needles,” she pouts and shivers a bit.

Finn rubs his thumbs against her crinkling forehead and kisses her temple, hugging her closer, trying to call her down. “It’s okay, Rach. It’s going to be over before you know it.”

In a small voice, Rachel asks, “Promise?”

Finn gives her a comforting smile and says, “I promise, beautiful.”

He takes the pen out of the case and sets everything up. After disinfecting the pen, he kneels down on the floor, and asks Rachel to lift up her shirt and count four fingers from her belly button, just like Dr Lewis explained the day before.

She does as he asks and Finn kisses her lower belly in return, trying to give her some strength. It seems to work for like, two seconds. After that, Rachel’s chest starts moving rapidly and she’s breathing hard, looking down at Finn trying to contain her tears from flowing.

Finn looks up at her and gives her a soft look. Stretching his neck, he presses his lips against her stomach again, dropping kisses all over her exposed skin. Putting his free hand on her side, he squeezes her hip softly, letting her know he’s not going to do anything before she’s fully prepared.

Rachel puts her hand on Finn’s hair, combing her fingers through his hair and taking in a deep breath to calm herself. She closes her eyes and focuses her attention on her husband. He truly is her rock, consistently keeping her steady and safe ever since the very first day he met her.

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart,” Finn whispers against her skin.

Rachel inhales and exhales a couple of times before breathing out, “Okay,” she gulps. “I’m ready.”

Finn nods and gives her belly one last kiss before disinfecting the area that he’s supposed to inject the shot. He leans his head back, trying to see what he’s doing. He pinches her skin and he presses the pen against Rachel’s skin. He can hear her soft voice mumbling to herself that she’s okay as she keeps her eyes firmly closed.

Finn pushes the pen against her skin and Rachel gasps when the needle penetrates her skin. After waiting the necessary five seconds, Finn takes the needle out of Rachel skin and she cries out softly. Finn reaches for the piece of cotton humidified with disinfectant and cleans Rachel’s skin again. Hooking his thumb on the hem of her shirt, he pulls it down and kisses her cloth covered stomach.

“There, we’re all set,” Finn says, collecting everything and making sure to dispose the contents correctly, just like Dr Lewis said.

Rachel lets out a long, heavy breath and shakes her head. “That actually was _not_ the worst thing in the world,” she declares with a proud smile.

~.~

The third day is kind of a mess. And it’s actually more stressful than the second one. Or the first one.

Of course, Rachel controlled herself very well in front of Dr Lewis, otherwise nothing would ever top the first shot. Rachel might be the most emotional person Finn has ever met, but showing weakness in front of anyone – who’s not him – is not something she likes to do at all.

First of all, Rachel wakes up with a huge zit on her chin. Finn doesn’t mention anything as he brings her breakfast in bed, most likely he didn’t realised it because he’s not a Drama Queen like Rachel or because he didn’t want to upset her. Nevertheless, it is quite upsetting for Rachel to look at their bathroom mirror and see a pimple staring back at her.

What is she, fifteen?

It’s been way more than a decade that her face had the absolute displeasure of sporting a disgusting pimple. It takes a while, but ultimately, Rachel takes a few calming breaths as she puts some of her favourite calming songs to play as she gets ready to take a shower and head to work. It works out better than she expected and she’s glad. Of course, if Alina Baraz & Galimatias can’t make her calm down, nothing else can.

Well, nothing else except for Finn, of course. Rachel smiles softly thinking about him, her heart filling with love instantly, a calming atmosphere establishing itself around her as she focuses on her breathing, inhaling and exhaling as smoothly as she possibly can.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt to remember that this is only happening so she can have a baby of her own, inside of her. That about makes it all worth it. Even though she has a feeling that literally every single human she encounters today will stare directly at her face.

Second of all, Rachel has an awful day at work. She gets home irritated after one of her students literally strips off all of his clothes and pees on her shoes.

Pees.

Pee.

She has pee on her shoe. Pee.

She obviously ran to the bathroom right after she made sure Bernard was clean and proper once again. She might have been irritated with the little boy, but she’s nothing if not an awesome and patient teacher, as Finn lovingly likes to claim.

When she gets home, Finn is already there waiting for her. He came home early to try and make Rachel relax for her third shot. She texts that she’s leaving the school so Finn makes the math on his head how long will take Rachel to get home. Setting up a bubble bath for her, he waits in their room.

Rachel hastily enters their bedroom, she’s huffing and she has an annoyed look on her face, muttering something under her breath about her students always ruining the best names for babies. She almost misses Finn amidst her rant.

“Hi, Rach,” Finn says. Rachel stops mid-rant and looks at Finn, her posture relaxing the second she spots her husband.

Finn gives her an experimental smile and she returns it, even though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Hi, honey,” she sighs. Finn gives her a questioning look and she points at her face, trying to make him see the biggest pimple known to man (okay, not really, but Rachel certainly feel like it’s huge). Finn dramatically sticks his lower lip out, offering her a sympathetic look.

Finn carefully walks over to her, extending his hands and she takes them, letting him envelop her smaller hands in his larger ones. Snuggling into his chest, she sighs again.

“Aside from the pimple, is everything okay?” Finn asks, kissing the top of her head.

Rachel exhales and slowly nods her head. “Relatively. Bernard peed on my shoe today.”

Finn’s eyes widen. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, knowing better than to do anything to upset Rachel further.

Rachel scoffs again remembering how it all went down. “Ugh, I’m going to take a shower, I need to wash this day away.”

“I actually set something up for you, Rach.”

Rachel gives him a hopeful smile. “Really?”

Finn nods his head, offering Rachel his hand. She takes it and he pulls her towards their bathroom. Opening the door, she can already smell her favourite candles. A soft smile creeps up to her face and she kisses the side of Finn’s arm.

Finn then helps her take off her clothes and kisses her softly as Rachel settles in the bathtub, a satisfied moan escaping her lips when the warm water gets in contact with her skin. He gives her space to relax, heading to the kitchen to make them dinner.

Forty minutes later, Rachel comes down to the kitchen in her lilac robe. She hears Finn humming a quiet song to himself as he’s finishing up their dinner. Rachel can already smell that he did one of her favourite dishes, sautéed zucchini with cherry tomatoes, garlic and basil. It’s such a simple dish, but it’s her ultimate comfort food. Well, that along with mashed potatoes. And Finn’s special chicken, which he seasons with her most beloved herbs.

Rachel’s stomach grumbles as she gets closer to Finn. She eyes the stove and sees that’s he’s doing exactly what she has been thinking about.

Sensing her presence, Finn turns and gives Rachel a dimpled smile. He leans down and offers her a tender kiss, which she gladly takes, rubbing her small hands on his lower back. Finn groans appreciatively against her lips and Rachel knows exactly what to do next, so she moves to stand directly behind him. Sliding her hands underneath his t-shirt, she presses her fingertips on his skin, rubbing her thumbs in circular patterns all over his back, massaging his muscles and making Finn groan in delight again.

After she’s done, Finn turns around and kisses her again. “Thank you.”

Rachel grins against his lips and winks at him.

“I already set up the table, do you want to sit down?” Finn asks, “I’ll bring the food over in a sec.”

Rachel nods her head and sits down on the dining table, waiting for Finn.

They have a lovely dinner, Rachel telling Finn exactly how Bernard peed on her shoes. By the time she gets to the end of the story, she’s giggling, completely forgetting about her early annoyance with the small boy.

After dinner and a few episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix, it’s time for Rachel’s shot. She starts getting anxious and breathing heavy as Finn takes the medication case out of the refrigerator, letting it cool off until it reaches the correct temperature.

By the time everything is already set up, Rachel is whimpering and trembling. Finn has a hard time pinching her skin as she keeps clenching her insides and making a sound Finn could ever only describe as a wounded puppy getting poked at. Repeatedly.

Finn inhales slowly, letting Rachel take her time. He keeps remembering himself that Rachel is very much allowed to have phobias. He thinks about everything they have ever been through and he has to give it to her, she is one awesome and strong woman. Of course, not being able to have children thus far has been rough on both of them, but Rachel surely feels the pain more deeply and intensely.

“Rachel, you have to help me here,” Finn says slowly. “Please, baby. You can’t keep moving your body away.”

Rachel doesn’t answer, only whimpers harder and makes a sound at the back of her throat which sounds like a strangled cry and Finn feels like his heart is seriously constricting itself from her pain filled sounds.

Finn tries again. He pinches her skin and Rachel sucks in her stomach, making it slip from Finger’s fingers.

“Baby, I don’t want to upset you. Ever,” Finn says. He gives her a small smile and asks, “Would you like to do it yourself?”

Rachel shakes her head, a few tears slipping out of her eyes as she slowly fills her lungs with oxygen, letting out a long breath through her trembling lips. Finn’s face softens at the painful look on her face, she honestly looks in agony.

He sits on the back of his heels, putting the pen on top of the living room table. Rubbing his thumbs against Rachel’s tights, he murmurs Rachel’s favourite song trying to get her to call down.

Rachel chokes out a sob, leaning forward and letting Finn rest his head against her stomach as he sings for her. Letting a few more tears slide out of her eyes, Rachel inhales sharply and determinately says, “Okay, let’s do this.”

“Are you sure?” Finn asks, already reaching for the cotton soaked in disinfectant.

“I’m sure,” she says, trying to sound resolutely. She nods her head and adds, “Do it.”

Finn quickly cleans her skin again. He pinches her, taking the pen from the centre table and pressing against Rachel’s skin. After the five seconds, he removes the pen and cleans Rachel’s skin again.

“All set, Rach,” he says. “I’ll just clean this stuff and be right back.”

He steps into the kitchen to put the case back in the refrigerator, but not before discarding the needle into the sharps bin and putting it in a plastic bag.

After doing everything correctly, Finn goes back to the living room. Rachel is sitting by one of the couches, crying softly, her body folded on the edge of the sofa as her head rests on her hands. Finn can hear her sniffling and it breaks his heart. Even though Rachel has already made peace with letting Finn see all parts of her personality, she still feels extremely self-conscious, especially when she feels her like her being upset is not justified in some kind of way.

Finn sits by her side and rubs his large, warm hand against her back.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he whispers softly.

Closing his arm around her, Rachel leans against Finn’s chest. She pulls her legs over the couch and folds her body trying to fit into Finn’s embrace.

He picks her up and carries her to their bedroom. After crying for as long as she wants, she finally breathes properly, looking up at Finn with her swollen tear-stained face. Finn gives her a tentative smile and she returns it slowly.

“I’m so sorry for being silly about this, Finn,” she hiccups “I feel like such a baby.”

Finn shakes his head, pressing his thumb against cheek. “Don’t worry about, Rach. I can only imagine how hard this is for you,” he says earnestly. “Everyone has the right to have their fears, it’s okay.” He remembers something and adds, “You know I’m terrified of dolls.”

Rachel lets out an involuntary giggle at Finn’s words. He really is scared of dolls. One time Grace was holding a doll and came near him, he couldn’t move for ten straight minutes. Rachel had to take him to the ER because his neck was so stiff, he honestly got _that_ tense.

“I know, honey…” she says as she presses her fingers against his t-shirt. “But you never cried when you got near one.”

“Well, not _now_ ,” he tells her. “But I used to weep uncontrollably at their sight when I was a kid.”

“Yeah?”

Finn grins at the hopeful look in her eyes. “Sadly,” he says.

Rachel sighs, a few hiccups still slipping from her lips, and gives him a small smile. “I do feel better now.”

“I’m glad,” Finn chuckles and kisses her forehead.

~.~

After their talk the night before, the fourth shot is significantly less stressful.

Well, kind of.

In the morning, Rachel goes to Dr Lewis office for an ultrasound just to make sure the medication is working and her body is producing the expected amount of follicles. After Rachel receives the good news that everything is going perfectly, she calls Finn and screams in joy for about ten minutes, Finn listening to everything closely and cheering Rachel on. Rachel then leaves Dr Lewis’ office and drives to the school.

Rachel gets a text from Santana in the middle of the day asking if she has to bring any drinks for tonight’s girls’ night or if Rachel already has everything covered. After freaking out for a while, not knowing if she could invite the girls and send them home before 9pm – which, honestly, is very unlikely, particularly when they start to get tipsy – or blow them off completely, Rachel texts Santana back telling her she’s not feeling too well and would rather if they could re-schedule their girls’ night.

Santana, being… well, _Santana_ … sends Rachel a text with many expletives saying she has been waiting since forever for Sam and Mike to watch Grace, Alice, and Jennifer and this is _not_ going to be a wasted opportunity. She’s going to Rachel’s house even if she’s bedridden.

Rachel gives in and by 7pm, Quinn, Santana, Tina, and Mercedes walk into Finn and Rachel’s house with huge smiles on their faces and plenty of wine to go around for everyone. Well, except for Rachel, but her friends don’t need to know that (yet). Especially because Rachel called Finn and asked him to buy organic grape juice and she intends on drinking it tonight, never happier that it looks exactly like Santana’s favourite red wine.

Two hours later, they’re sitting on the couch in the basement talking about their obsession with Rosa Diaz and Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s awesomeness when Finn texts Rachel.

**Please come up to our bedroom, Mrs Hudson. ;)**

Before Rachel has a chance to pick up her phone, though, Santana grabs it and reads Finn’s text message out loud.

“Ooooohh!” she teases. “Are you going to give Mr Hudson a little something something, Mrs Hudson?”

Quinn, Tina, and Mercedes laugh, all believing Finn is texting Rachel for something sexual. Rachel would be annoyed, but at this point her friends so intoxicated she can’t bring herself to care.

She rolls her eyes and gets up from her seat, heading upstairs to their bedroom. “I’ll see what this is about and I’ll be right back.”

Rachel goes to their bedroom and locks the door. She then goes over to their bed bench, where Finn is already waiting for her. He gives her a dopey smile, stretching his neck and pouting his lips, which she takes in a sweet kiss, resting her small hands on either side of his face. Finn gives her a dreamy grin when they separate.

“Ready?” he asks.

She nods her head, closing her eyes and lifting her blouse. Finn wipes her belly with antiseptic before grabbing the pen and pressing against her skin. Rachel utters a distressing sound, but fights through her fear, not moving away from Finn or clenching her muscles.

When Finn is done, he beams at her. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” he says genuinely. “You did really well tonight.”

Rachel returns his smile with one of her own, leaning down and kissing him. She tries to deepen the kiss, but a series of continuous knocks on their bedroom door interrupts their tender moment. She and Finn part their lips, eyebrows furrowing, an annoyed look on both of their faces.

They can’t hear exactly what’s being said, the only distinguished sound if Santana literally howling again and again. Finn heaves, miffed by the abrupt disruption. He reaches for the cotton atop the bed and wipes Rachel’s skin again, pulling the hem of her blouse down.

Rachel is going for the door when Finn stops her, “Wait a second, let me clean this before you let them in, Rach.”

He does as he says, closing the medicine case and discarding the needle into the sharps bin. He ducks into their bathroom, putting the medicine case inside the mini fridge under the sink and throwing the sharps bin in the trash can. When he’s done he gestures to Rachel that she can open the door.

Santana, Quinn, Tina, and Mercedes stumble into Finn and Rachel’s bedroom, giggling drunkenly and making sexual sounds that make Finn wonder if they’re imitating humans or animals. Actually, depending on the sound and the person making them, by what he knows about his friends’ sex lives, it could really be both. He sighs as Quinn and Mercedes throw themselves onto their bed, climbing on top of each other and laughing madly.

Finn breathes out and exits the bedroom, leaving the women to exhaust themselves from so much laughter.

~.~

When Rachel wakes up on the fifth day, her abdomen is so stretched that she has to take a second look. She looks pregnant already. Well, judging by the pregnant bellies her friends had in the past. Her ginormous breasts are not helping either, feeling like two melons on her chest. Rachel makes a mental note to complain about it to Dr Lewis on their schedule ultrasound later today.

Finn enters their bedroom with a breakfast tray on his hands, smiling as he spots Rachel’s already awake. Getting closer to their bed, he leans down and puts the tray beside Rachel then kisses her forehead.

“Finn, you have to see this,” she says, pushing the covers away from her body. Rachel raises her shirt over her stomach and breasts and Finn’s eyes widen at the sight in front of him.

“Holy shit, Rach, you look pregnant.”

“I know, right?!” Rachel exclaims, placing her small hand over the small bump.

Finn sits down by her side and extends his hand towards her belly. He hesitates for a moment and then asks her, “Is it creepy if I ask to touch it?”

Rachel laughs softly, shaking her head. “Of course not, honey. Here,” she says, taking his hand and putting it on her belly. “Just don’t expect any movement or anything, there’s not a baby inside of me.”

“Not yet,” Finn says in a soft, yet firm voice. He has a look of pure fascination on his face as he touches Rachel’s belly and tears start welling in Rachel’s eyes.

Situating her small hand on his cheek, she pulls Finn closer and kisses him, pouring all the love her small self can into the kiss. Finn kisses her back with the same intensity. As Finn lays Rachel back to show just how much he loves her, her breakfast is left over bed, completely forgotten.

~.~

After they’re done with their morning activities, Finn and Rachel head to Dr Lewis’ office for another ultrasound. Dr Lewis once again reassures the couple that everything is going as expected as the three of them quietly celebrate everything going well.

They’re leaving Dr Lewis office when Rachel convinces Finn to go shop for new blouses. It takes a great amount of pouting, but Finn finally caves in. Rachel ends up buying as many tunics, knot fronts, drawstrings, peasants, and wraps as Finn can possibly pay for (not really, but she does buy half the store… kinda). She even picks out the same model in different colours because she loves them so much.

Finn originally asked if they were going to pregnant stores, but Rachel promptly declined.

Sure, she _looks_ pregnant, but she’s not _really_ pregnant. She’s not about to get ahead of herself, no matter how much her heart wants to throw caution to the wind and go on a shopping spree the entire day.

By the time 9pm rolls around, Rachel is completely calm and collected, receiving plenty of kisses as Finn sets everything over the kitchen island.

“I’m so proud of you for being calm, baby,” he says, leaning in and kissing her again.

Rachel smiles into the kiss and brushes her nose against Finn’s, giving him the sweetest eskimo kiss of his life so far.

Finn kneels on the floor and cleans her belly, giving her the shot and Rachel doesn’t make a single noise, too busy admiring her handsome husband and her noticeably large lower belly and breasts. She certainly does not want to get ahead of herself, but seeing a bump on her stomach near to Finn’s beautiful face makes her heart expand because she knows this is _exactly_ what she has been dreaming for so many years: Finn and a baby of their own. That’s it. She doesn’t want anything else.

Rachel’s musings keep her occupied enough because the next thing she knows, Finn is lowering her shirt and kissing her covered stomach, a loving look on his face.

Oh yes, this is definitely everything she has ever wanted.

~.~

The sixth shot is the best shot. Rachel asks Finn if she can do it herself and he beams and obviously agrees, incredibly happy Rachel is taking control of the situation.

Finn makes sure to stand by her side as she goes through the entire process.

“Remove the cap from the pen and unscrew the body from the cartridge holder,” Finn instructs. Rachel does as he says with a determined look on her face. “Put the Puregon cartridge into the cartridge holder with that metal cap first, screwing it again,” he points to the part he’s talking about. “Make sure there’s no gap, Rach. The point of the arrow at the end of the cartridge holder has to be perfectly aligned with that mark.”

“Like this?” Rachel asks, making sure she’s doing everything correctly.

Finn nods. “That’s right, babe. Now you have to clean the very edge of the pen with disinfectant. Here,” he says, reaching for something over the kitchen island. “I already soaked a swab with it.”

Rachel picks up the swab from Finn’s hand and cleans the pen. He then hands her the outer needle shield, already without the paper seal to speed up the process.

“Push the end of the cartridge holder firmly into the needle shield and screw it securely,” Finn says, keeping a close eye to the way Rachel’s hands move. “Give me the shield, we’re going to need it later to discard the needle.” Rachel hands the shield to Finn and he puts it over the kitchen island. “Now hold the pen with the needle pointing upwards and tap the cartridge holder gently with your fingernail to help the bubbles rise to the top of the needle. It’s okay if a drop of fluid comes out.” Rachel does as he says, a few drops of fluid coming out and making her squeal a little. She giggles afterwards, her tongue outside of her mouth.

“Is this okay?”

“Perfect,” Finn reassures her, a small smile on his face. “Now dial the orange dosage knob until you can see your dosage.” Rachel reaches the correct number and Finn nods. “Let me just disinfect your belly first. Put four fingers by the side of your belly button, please, Mrs Hudson.” Rachel reaches with her free hand and does as Finn asked. Before cleaning the area, Finn kisses Rachel’s stomach, giving her an encouraging smile. He cleans the area and continues on instructing Rachel, “Now pinch your skin, as much as your small, cute hands can.”

Rachel lets out a small laugh, her skin slipping away from her fingers. “Don’t make me laugh, Finn!”

Finn raises his hands and says, “Sorry, baby. Your hands are really small and cute, though.” He winks at her and adds, “Just make sure the needle is at an angle of 90 degrees.”

Rachel shakes her head, a small smile on her face. She pinches her skin again and asks, “How do I know if it’s the correct angle?”

“I’ll help you, sweetheart.” He puts his hands straight in the air, at a perpendicular angle against Rachel’s belly, careful not to touch her disinfected skin. “Just rest the pen over my hand.” Rachel does that and Finn adds, “Now fully press the orange injection button and wait five seconds before removing the needle.”

Rachel takes a deep breath and pushes the button, biting her lower lip as she waits for the five seconds to go by.

“You can remove it now, Rach,” Finn says, a proud smile on his face. Rachel removes the needle, her face the very sign of relief. Finn hands her a piece of cotton soaked with disinfectant, and asks for the pen back, so he can dispose of everything.

Rachel cleans her belly as Finn removes the needle from the pen with the outer shield, discarding it inside of the sharps bin. He turns to face Rachel, the proud smile still fixed on his face.

“I did it, Finn! I did it!” she exclaims, jumping up and down and clapping her hands. She throws her head back, a huge beam on her gorgeous face.

“You really did! I’m so proud of you, baby,” Finn says warmly. He opens his arms and Rachel pushes her body to his, jumping on him and snaking her legs around his, giving him a hard kiss on his perfect mouth.

~.~

By the time the seventh day (and shot) comes, Rachel is more bothered by her salient stomach, huge breasts and one hundred pimples than the shot itself. It is absolutely insane that in just seven days her stomach seemed to grow enough to be mistaken for a like, a three month pregnancy belly. Just three days ago it was not this huge!

She’s sure she’s going to love when there’s an actual baby inside of her, but right now it really hurts and it’s so uncomfortable, her ovaries feels heavy and her lower belly is so swollen that even Finn’s soft touches hurt and make her want to cry. And that alone makes her want to cry even more because if one thing she knows to be certain on this Earth is that her husband’s touch can sooth and calm her down in any given situation. Not being able to receive his loving touch is enough to upset her further.

Oh the flip side, her new blouses are an absolute delight to cover her prominent stomach and breasts. She had to stop herself from going back to the stores and buying more.

Today they have to go back to Dr Lewis’ office again so she can monitor Rachel’s follicles and particularly their size. Dr Lewis has to make sure they are big enough which, duh, seems pretty obvious to Rachel that her ovaries are filled with gigantic follicles if the size of her lower belly is proof of anything at all.

Not wanting to be overly confident though, Rachel sits at the waiting room biting the inside of her cheek because she’s so anxious, Finn is holding her hand the entire time, pressing his knuckles against her skin. Sure, they’ve been coming to Dr Lewis office on the regular, but Dr Lewis said to wait until the seventh day to check the size of the follicles, the days before she was worried about the amount of follicles, not specifically their size.

“Mr and Mrs Hudson, please follow me,” the assistant says. She guides them to another room, not the one they’re used to. Rachel has a minor panic attack before she remembers that Dr Lewis office doesn’t have an ultrasound machine. She laughs to herself, receiving a strange look from Finn. Leaning over and kissing the side of his arm, she shakes her head, signalling everything’s okay.

Dr Lewis is already waiting for them, getting up and greeting them warmly. “Hello again, Mr and Mrs Hudson,” she says. “Rachel, can you please lie down for me, and lift up your shirt?”

Rachel does as she’s told, pulling her shirt up to her upper stomach and pushing her pants down, making sure to give Dr Lewis plenty of room to work.

“Today we’re going to make sure the follicles are at the right size. How is everything with the medication since I last saw you, Mrs Hudson?” Dr Lewis asks as she applies the gel on Rachel’s belly.

“Yes, everything is fine. I mean, kind of...”

“What do you mean?” Dr Lewis inquires.

“Just… my breasts are so, so huge and there are five thousand pimples on my face…” Rachel pouts. She adjusts her body so she can be comfortable. Given that she never had this many ultrasounds before, she wants to see whatever is happening on her body, she doesn’t even care there’s not a baby inside of her. Yet, like Finn said. “My ovaries are also incredibly swollen, it’s just like the last couple of days I have been more uncomfortable than ever in my entire life,” she adds.

“I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable, Mrs Hudson. But this is great news, believe it or not,” she says, offering Rachel a gentle smile. “All of that means that the follicles are growing as expected!” Dr Lewis exclaims, excited about the great news.

Finn and Rachel share a small smile, Finn leaning and kissing Rachel’s forehead.

Dr Lewis starts the ultrasound. After a few moments of moving around, she says, “Rachel, your follicles are great right now.” Moving her other hand expertly over the keyboard, Dr Lewis adds, “We need them to be around 18 to 20 millimetres, like I explained a few days ago. From what I can see here,” she says, leaning towards the screen and narrowing her eyes, searching for something. “Yours are about 16-17 millimetres so that means you’ll only have to take Orgalutran today and tomorrow, I want you back tomorrow and the next day so we can monitor them closely.”

“Wow, is that really necessary?” Finn blurts out. He gives Dr Lewis a sheepish smile when Rachel hits his chest with the back of her hand.

Dr Lewis chuckles at their interaction, “Yes, Mr Hudson. We don’t want to miss these beautiful follicles. We have to keep an eye on them to make sure they’re just the right size. The human body is like a perfect instrument, everything has its right time and place to happen.” Finn and Rachel nod at their doctor’s words. “We are done here for now,” Dr Lewis says, “I’m just going to clean Rachel’s belly and we’ll go back to my office to discuss things furthers.”

~.~

“Finn, she called my follicles beautiful! BEAUTIFUL!” Rachel exclaims. “I didn’t even know this was a thing! My follicles are BEAUTIFUL!” She throws her hands up in the air, a winner smile on her face.

Finn chuckles at his wife’s enthusiasm, nodding his head and giving her a soft look. “Everything about you is beautiful, Rach.”

“Awww! I love you so much,” she says as she squeezes her small hand over his face, bringing their lips together. “That was kind of cheesy, honey, but I’m going to eat that up because my follicles are BEAUTIFUL!”

~.~

It’s 9pm before both realise it. Finn is setting up both medications whilst Rachel is still chatting away about her beautiful follicles and how she found another woman on this online forum she is a part of that also has beautiful follicles.

“It’s like we’re beautiful follicles twins, Finn!” she exclaims, her eyes wide and shining and she’s so happy about follicles, Finn can’t help but smile at her joyful words.

“I’m glad you found a beautiful follicle twin, Rach,” he says, lifting up her shirt and cleansing her skin. He gives her the Puregon shot. Rachel doesn’t even flinch, still muttering to herself how amazing it feels to have beautiful follicles. Beautiful follicles! Finn chuckles, quickly disinfecting the other side of her belly and giving her the Orgalutran shot, which she also doesn’t realise, too busy staring into the distance and shaking her head, as if she can’t believe the words Dr Lewis told her hours before.

Finn finishes cleaning her skin, pulls her shirt down and kisses her lovingly on her covered stomach, hoping her good mood continues on forever and ever.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


	8. last few strides

**eight.**

**last few strides**

They come back to Dr Lewis office the next day and two days later, just as she requested. Rachel’s follicles seem to be doing wonderfully still, so Dr Lewis schedules Rachel to have her trigger shot, one of the most important parts of the entire treatment, the very next day. It has to be exactly ten days after the first Puregon shot and they can’t miss the day for anything. Dr Lewis asks Rachel to be at her office 20:20pm so she can give her the shot at exactly 20:30pm.

“Why 20:30pm?” Finn had asked.

“The body works like a perfectly adjusted clock, Mr Hudson. Everything in this entire process has to be calculated to the very minute,” Dr Lewis explained. “If a miscalculation happens, we might compromise the entire process.”

So here they were, Finn parking their car outside of Dr Lewis office at exactly 20:18pm. Clearly, Rachel would never stand to get there 20:20pm.

At 20:26pm Dr Lewis’ assistant calls their name, just as Rachel was about to get up and ask the receptionist, for the fifth time, if she’s sure Dr Lewis is not busy because You know, my shot has to be given at exactly 20:30pm and if the entire process gets ruined I will personally sue you. Not the clinic, **you**.

Finn tries to calm Rachel down, but she just turns to him and screams, “You get back on that case, honey!”

They get inside her office as she preps everything, taking just the necessary amount of time so everything can be completely ready at 20:29pm, which is when Rachel’s heart was ready to explode with anxiousness. Sure, the treatment so far has been stressful already, but this is a whole new level.

The wall clock strikes 20:30pm and Dr Lewis gives Rachel the shot. Finn half expects Rachel to let out a small moan or maybe whine a little bit. Not because she’s a coward or anything like that (seriously, this is Rachel Freaking Berry), but because she really does not care for needles, at all. Rather, Finn can see Rachel closing her eyes, a small smile on her face as she whispers something to herself, her smile growing by the millisecond. He tries to divert his gaze from her moving lips because he really wants to give his wife some privacy in this special moment, but then she opens her eyes and they are filled with unshed tears, a peaceful smile on her face as her mouth stretches into a full beam.

Finn lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, the air slowly coming through his lips as he gives Rachel an encouraging smile, his own eyelids starting to gather a few tears. She winks at him, the huge smile still glued to her face as Dr Lewis finishes everything.

~.~

Approximately 35 hours later, on Saturday morning, Finn and Rachel make the trip to the clinic so Rachel can have the egg retrieval surgery and Finn can… ahem… do his own thing.

Finn goes first, blushing the entire time Dr Lewis is explaining to him that he has to do “his best” (whatever _that_ means) because a positive outlook goes a long way.

Rachel might have made a pun about coming hard on a positive note, but Finn was too busy feeling the blush burning from his neck up to his cheek to the very tip of his ears to notice it anyway. Particularly after Dr Lewis eagerly nods, seemingly unfazed by Rachel’s comment, and suggests, “You can go help your husband if you wish, Mrs Hudson.”

And that’s when Finn has enough talk about his… _swimmers_. He hastily gets up, taking the cup from Dr Lewis hand and shoving it deep into his pocket, excusing himself and leaving the room. He goes down the hall, straight to the last door on the left, taking deep breaths all the way, feeling extremely self-conscious and like everyone is looking at him, even though there are no other people in the hallway. He sighs, reading the sign on the door and turning the knob on the door, stepping inside.

Here’s to doing his best.

~.~

Rachel is fully prepared for the surgery, IV in place and sitting down on the bed talking to Dr Lewis when Finn comes back and sits by her side, giving her a sheepish look and an embarrassed smile when she cheerfully asks him how it was.

Dr Lewis hands Finn a full set of scrubs so he can get ready and go to the recovery room to wait for Rachel. She says, “I’ll see you guys in a few minutes.”

As soon as Dr Lewis leaves, Rachel turns to Finn. “Honey, please tell me how it went!”

Finn chuckles, sitting by the chair in Rachel’s room and taking off his shoes and socks. He says, “Rach, please let’s try and preserve _some_ mystery in our marriage.”

Rachel snorts, “Yeah, right. Like I never saw that before.” She gives him a pointed look and Finn rolls his eyes, a small smile on his face at the memory. Rachel eyes him up and down, giving him an appreciative look and wiggling her eyebrows, trying to get something out of him.

“Still! This is different,” Finn says, pulling out his pants and putting on the scrubs pants on, but not before folding his pants and setting them neatly over the other chair in Rachel’s room. Rachel gives him a thumps up for being organised and he chuckles.

“Come on, _please_ ,” she insists. “At least tell me what you saw or watched or read. Or! Tell me that the room is like, is it nice?”

“Nice?! Rach, c’mon…” he grunts. “It’s… I dunno… “ he shrugs, looking for words. “It was awkward. It was _so_ awkward, Rach.”

Rachel pouts, “I’m sorry, honey.”

Finn takes off his t-shirt and puts the scrub shirt on. Rachel groans internally and says, “Finn, you should have just taken your shirt off and looked at yourself in the mirror, to be perfectly honest.”

Finn finishes getting ready and grins at Rachel, “I didn’t do that, but I definitely thought about you,” he declares, approaching Rachel sitting on the bed and giving her a smirk.

“Yeah?” Rachel whispers against his lips, bringing her right hand to the side of his face and lightly pressing her nails against the line of his jaw.

Finn shivers under her ministrations, pressing his lips harder against hers and tracing the tip of tongue against her lower lip. Rachel instantly grants him entrance, moaning against his mouth. Finn combs his fingers through Rachel’s hair, lifting Rachel’s body and hugging her, pressing their bodies together.

The door of the room opens and Finn and Rachel part, both moping a bit because of the interruption. Obviously they know they can’t do anything, but some light making out is totally allowed, Rachel made sure to read about that in the online forums she participates. Thank you, Internet!

Dr Lewis sticks her head inside the room and says, “Are you two ready? It’s time!”

Finn look at Rachel and she has a smile on her face, he smiles back and looks at Dr Lewis, “We’re ready.”

~.~

After the surgery, Rachel is back in the recovery room, lying in bed, under her favourite blanket whilst Finn is stroking her hair, waiting for her to wake up from the general anaesthesia. He’s whispering sweet words to her ear, telling her how brave she is and how much he loves her when the recovering nurse comes in to check on Rachel’s vitals.

Finn continues sitting on the chair by Rachel’s side, holding her free hand and kissing it softly. The nurse gives him a small smile, telling him everything is perfectly fine.

“Dr Lewis will be here with you in about ten minutes, Mr Hudson. If Rachel wakes up before then, you can just press the button on the wall, over the bed, and we’ll come right in,” she explains, writing something on Rachel’s chart and leaving the room.

Finn turns to Rachel again, smiling at her sleeping form. Rachel told him some cramping is expected when she wakes up, but Finn knows how much she hates them, so he gently, so very carefully presses his hand over Rachel’s belly and tries to send her positive thoughts, leaning in closer and softly singing her her favourite song. Well, not exactly her favourite _favourite_ song.

Because yes, that is an actual thing.

Rachel explained to Finn on their second date that there are three different types of favourite songs. There are old favourite songs, which are songs you have been loving with a constant burn for a long time and you may forget about them sometimes, but then you listen to them and it’s like nothing has changed, you are transported into the moment you first started loving them and everything is beautiful. There are (normal) favourite songs, which you love and obsess over hard enough with a fiery and fleeting burn, it’s like it burns our entire body because you love them so much, but you can shortly forget about them, and not because you don’t love them, you do love them, but it’s just that crazy and brief love, like when you watch a video on repeat on YouTube the entire freaking afternoon. And then there are favourite _favourite_ songs, which you most likely never stop listening and mutter them under your breath on the regular because they make you feel all the things and you shake and tremble and it fills your soul and you could just die, you love those songs so much.

So yeah.

He’s singing her the song she asks him to sing her whenever she’s feeling particularly sad, justifying that his voice sounds like the most precious thing in the entire world when he utters the words of Brian McKnight’s _Back At One_. It’s one of her old favourite songs.

He cautiously climbs on the bed, lying on his side and pressing his hand on Rachel’s face as he sings to her, pressing his thumb against her cheek and letting the words flow out of his mouth.

Rachel wakes up when he’s singing for the third time, a small smile on her face as she lets out a happy sigh, turning her head towards Finn and snuggling further into his chest, careful not to pull the IV out of her arm.

“Hey, beautiful,” Finn says, leaning down and kissing her temple.

“Mmm, hi, handsome,” she whispers. She moans a little, a significant discomfort in her lower belly. “Finn, get the nurse, please, I got awful cramps.”

Finn nods, pressing the button on top of Rachel’s bed. He moves out of the bed, sitting back on the chair and lacing Rachel’s fingers through his. The nurse soon walks in with Dr Lewis right behind her.

“Hello, Mrs Hudson, how are you feeling?” Dr Lewis asks.

“A little nauseous, unpleasant cramping,” Rachel says. “Can I have something for the pain, please?”

Dr Lewis gives Rachel a sympathetic smile and says, “Not just yet, Mrs Hudson. We have to give you a small snack first and then you will have all the medication you need.”

Rachel pouts, but nods her head. The nurse leaves the room for a second to get something for Rachel to eat whilst Dr Lewis talks to Rachel about how the procedure went.

“Mrs Hudson, let’s talk about your procedure.” Rachel sits a little straighter on the bed, nodding her head. “We were able to retrieve 25 eggs, that’s why your ovaries were so swollen and painful. Tomorrow we will call and let you know how many of them are mature.”

“25?!” Finn asks, surprised. When Dr Lewis nods her head, Finn whispers under his breath, “Holy shit.” Rachel gives him an annoyed look, slapping the back of her hand against his chest

“Yes, we were happily surprised with the number. This gives you more chances and that’s truly great.” Dr Lewis says. “My staffs are already working on fertilising the eggs and tomorrow we’ll call to make sure you know how many of them came through. Then we’ll watch closely and I’m expecting to transfer the very best embryo five days from now, like we talked before, but we’ll only know in the morning, so make sure to be ready and showered after you wake up and we’ll call you to let you know where we stand.” Rachel and Finn listen to every word carefully, nodding their head.

“What if everything is not ready five days from now?” Rachel asks.

“Rach…” Finn says, squeezing her hands softly, trying to comfort Rachel and her fears.

“Well, to be perfectly honest with you, Mrs Hudson, your treatment has been very consistent and steady, so I’m confident we’ll have good embryos in five days,” Dr Lewis says with an honest smile on her face. “But if we don’t…” she continues. “We’ll just check on the next day and continue on with that process.” Rachel’s face falls at her doctor’s words. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, all right? We’ll take this one day at a time.”

Rachel nods, giving Dr Lewis a small smile. The nurse comes back with a few snacks and gives them to Rachel, who promptly eats them, looking forward to the pain medication.

“After you eat your snack, Nurse Li will give your medication. We have to keep you here for at least an hour to make sure you’re feeling better and then you can go home,” Dr Lewis says. “Do you have any questions so far?”

“Not really, Dr Lewis, thank you for everything,” Rachel says.

“Yes, thank you for everything so far, Dr Lewis. Hopefully we’ll be back here in five days,” Finn adds.

“Certainly. Let’s keep a positive attitude about this and call my office if you have any questions, okay?” Finn and Rachel nod, saying their goodbyes as Dr Lewis exists Rachel’s recovery room.

~.~

The next day, Rachel wakes up still feeling some cramping, her lower belly just as swollen as the days before and she feels very tired. Her boobs remain ginormous and her face is covered in pimples so it’s comprehensive when she tells Finn she wants to spend the entire weekend under the covers watching episode after episode of Friends.

And okay, her face is not exactly covered per se, but it’s been so long since she had to deal with pimples that she’s allowed to complain about them as much as she wants.

Finn prepares Rachel’s favourite foods and snacks throughout the day, doing everything in his power to ease her discomfort. He called the restaurant the day before and let Kitty know he’ll only come back Tuesday night, so she has the restaurant to herself for the weekend. Kitty quickly thanks Finn for trusting her and hangs up the phone, and, not that Finn can see, but she probably runs around the kitchen and does her signature happy dance.

They are watching the episode where Eddie won’t go when their house phone rings. Finn quickly gets up and runs to answer, bringing the phone back to an expectant Rachel.

“It’s Dr Lewis with an update,” Finn says, handing the phone to Rachel.

“Hello?”

_“Hi, Mrs Hudson!”_ Dr Lewis salutes. _“How are you doing?”_

“I’m doing okay, still cramping and my ovaries are still huge, but overall I’m good,” Rachel responds.

_“I’m sorry you’re still uncomfortable. It might take some time, but your ovaries will return to their normal size,”_ Dr Lewis reassures her. _“I’m calling about the fertilised eggs.”_

“Yes?” Rachel asks anxiously.

_“From the 25 eggs we retrieved, 20 of them were mature enough. We managed to successfully fertilise 17 of those. We will keep an eye on them for the next few days to see how many of them manage to make it,”_ she says.

“17?! Oh my gosh, really?! That is so much more than I ever expected!” Rachel gushes. Finn looks at her, giving her thumbs up with a huge smile on his face.

_“Yes, really! I am very glad as well,”_ Dr Lewis says. _“I will call you again on Tuesday, Mrs Hudson. As you know, the third day is absolutely crucial for this process; we either freeze them on Tuesday or wait until they reach a blastocyst stage. I need you to come in so we can talk about it.”_

“Oh gosh, yes, of course! I’ll wait for your call and we can talk about it.”

_“Wonderful. I’ll talk to you on Tuesday then. Have a great weekend, Mrs Hudson,”_ Dr Lewis says.

“Thank you. You too, Dr Lewis,” Rachel answers, hanging up the phone and looking at Finn, who’s nervously pacing around.

“What did she say?” Finn asks.

“She said they managed to fertilise 17 eggs! SEVENTEEN, FINN!” Rachel exclaims, her voice getting louder with each word. “You know what this means? We hopefully can have more than one baby!”

“Really?!”

“Yes!” Rachel exclaims. “Can you imagine, Finn? More than one! That would be so great because our baby would never ever be lonely!”

Finn gives Rachel a joyful smile. “I can’t… I can’t even believe this. We have _seventeen_ fertilised eggs?”

Rachel nods, her brown eyes huge. “I mean, we still have to wait a few days to see how many will make it, but even if like, 5 of them make it, it’s still much better than a single one!”

Finn sits by Rachel side again, taking her hands in his and saying, “It really is better than a single one, Rach. I’m so glad we did this.”

“Me too, honey,” she says, leaning in and kissing Finn with all the happiness that is currently making its way through her body.

After hearing the good news from their doctor, Finn and Rachel then spend the entire weekend without so much as going to the front door of their home. They watch Friends cuddled up in their TV room for hours and hours, Finn cooks Rachel’s favourite (protein filled) dishes, Rachel bakes for Finn and herself more cookies that they could possibly eat, but end up eating everything anyway.

It’s a pretty good weekend.

~.~

On Tuesday, Dr Lewis calls Rachel like she said she would and after Rachel leaves the school for the day, she and Finn head to Dr Lewis office, barely containing their excitement even if they don’t know what it’s about, they’re still freaking out over the 17 fertilised eggs. Seventeen!

SEVENTEEN!

Not long after they arrive, Dr Lewis’ assistant calls them into her office and Finn and Rachel waste no time in greeting Dr Lewis and sitting down, anxiously asking about the seventeen eggs.

Dr Lewis smiles at their eagerness. “Like we talked a few days ago, we did manage to fertilise 17 eggs. The day to day monitoring is very important so we can check the number of cells in each embryo has and how well they are developing,” she says. “And today, I am happy to report, we have 13 suitable embryos for transfer.”

“Oh my gosh,” Rachel breaths out. She inhales and exhales a couple of times, fanning her face with her hands to stop herself from crying.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” Finn asks slowly.

“Even though we only implement the most perfect embryo we can find within all those successfully fertilised ones, in your case we were able to keep an eye on 11 perfectly formed embryos,” Dr Lewis says. “They all have been growing perfectly from the moment we fertilised them.”

“What are our options at this point?” Finn asks. “You can’t transfer those 11 perfect ones, right?”

“No, we cannot, Mr Hudson,” Dr Lewis agrees.

“What if we transfer two and maybe try for twins or something?” Finn asks again, getting excited at the possibility.

“Mr Hudson,” Dr Lewis starts. “We have been analysing your case incessantly since we first started this entire process and specifically considering Rachel’s height, we would not recommend transferring more than one embryo.”

“Oh?” Finn asks, his face falling immediately as he gulps, trying to get rid of the awkward lump in his throat.

Rachel squeezes Finn’s head as she turns her body to his. “I’ve actually been reading about it in those online forums I told you about, remember?” Finn nods at Rachel’s question. “And given my health status, I really think a single embryo transfer would fit us better, honey.”

Finn stares at Rachel for a second, searching for any signs of distress in her eyes, but he finds none, she seems to be a peace with this decision. He slowly nods his head and says, “If you’re sure, Rach…”

She gives him a small smile. “I am.”

They turn to Dr Lewis again. She gives them a smile and says, “From everything we have been doing and working so far, Rachel’s body is fully equipped to handle a full term pregnancy at the moment and we don’t want to overcharge her body with more than it can handle right now.”

“I understand,” Finn says. “I just, you know…” he shrugs, a sheepish smile on his face. “Twins! That’s pretty cute.”

Rachel giggles softly at his reasoning. Dr Lewis smiles at Finn and Rachel and says, “If you can find a surrogate, we can try for twins in the future.”

Finn and Rachel perk up at the new information. They have been handling their problem so privately they completely forgot about surrogacy as an option. “Yeah?!” they ask in unison.

Dr Lewis shakes her head positively. “Absolutely. Those embryos that we will keep frozen can be used whenever you need or want them.”

“Awesome,” Finn says, a crooked little grin on his face, his eye shining at the prospect of more than one baby.

“So when we will freeze them?” Rachel asks.

“We will freeze them the day after tomorrow, just after your transfer,” Dr Lewis says. “We first have to make sure your transfer will be perfect, sometimes embryos are a bit insistent in coming back to the catheter.”

Finn eyes widen at the information and Rachel bites back a giggle. She actually remembers reading a testimonial online that a woman talked about her doctor trying to implement the embryo and how it kept getting sucked into the catheter again and again. The woman said it was stressful at the time, but after a while that turned out to be the family joke. Rachel makes a mental note to tell Finn about it so it doesn’t freak him out if it happens to her.

She turns her attention back to Dr Lewis, who’s finishing explaining and reassuring Finn. “After the procedure, we will freeze how many we have left or how many you wish, if the number is smaller than the available embryos.”

“We want to freeze as many as we possibly can,” Rachel quickly declares.

Finn nods his head beside his wife. “Yes, exactly. That’s 10, correct?”

“Yes, that is correct, Mr Hudson,” Dr Lewis says, writing something on Finn and Rachel’s file.

Finn and Rachel look at each other and grin. Finn leans and kisses Rachel’s temple as Dr Lewis raises her head and starts talking to them about what Rachel needs to do to prepare herself for the transfer in two days.

Two days.

Two. Days.

In just two days, Rachel will have their baby inside of her!

~.~

On their way home, Finn asks Rachel is she wants to call and invite Santana and Quinn over for dinner the next day, the day before Rachel’s transfer. They didn’t forget about wanting to share the news with them, but this process has been so enthralling and time consuming that Rachel and Finn really didn’t have time to call them before. Although Finn had to hold his mouth shut the other day when Santana showed up at the restaurant and they talked for hours whilst she hang around the kitchen with him. When she mentioned Grace was missing her Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachie and wondering when she was going to meet her Hudson cousin, Finn almost told her. Almost. But Rachel would never forgive him if he did that, so he just chuckled and turn back to the food he was preparing, telling Santana to tell Grace not to worry about it.

Rachel happily agrees, of course, and she has a huge smile on her face when Santana and Quinn walk into their house.

“What’s up with the happy face, Nugget?” Santana asks.

Quinn rolls her eyes at her wife and hugs Rachel and Finn, telling Santana to behave herself.

The four people are sitting at the dinner table, Santana and Quinn on one side and Finn and Rachel on the other side. Rachel rests her hand on Finn’s thigh and squeezes softly, indicating that this is time. Santana and Quinn are finishing their dinner and they already finished, too.

Finn clears his throat, getting everyone’s attention. “Guys, there’s something we want to talk to you about.” He looks at Rachel and gives her a small smile, encouraging her to talk.

Santana and Quinn look at Finn and Rachel, an expectant look on both of their faces. Rachel licks her lips.

“This is actually really hard to talk about,” she starts, her voice is quiet and there’s a hint of sadness in her tone. She coughs the lump on her throat and shakes her head, trying to wrap her mind what she and Finn have gone through and where they are now.

Santana and Quinn immediately frown, concern writing all over their faces. Quinn reaches for her wife’s hand and Santana laces their fingers together. “What’s wrong?” Santana asks.

Rachel is looking down at her plate as she inhales and exhales slowly. Quinn and Santana give Finn a questioning look and he raises his left hand, telling them to wait for a second.

He curves his arms around Rachel’s shoulders and whispers in her ears, “Do you want me to tell them?” She shakes her hand, both of her hands now holding Finn’s hand on her lap. “Do you want to go sit down on the couch?” She nods.

“Let’s go sit on the couch, okay?” Finn asks. Santana and Quinn get up, moving to the living room, sitting across from Rachel and Finn. Finn puts his arm around Rachel, his other hand reaching for her lap and holding her small hands in his.

Rachel lets out a long sigh and looks at her friends. “Finn and I made a decision eight years ago,” she starts, licking her lips as the other three people in the room watch her every move. “And that decision was that we were going to have as many children as my body could possibly carry. Eight years later, here we are. Suffice to say, that didn’t quite turn out how we wanted it to.” She lets out a humourless laugh and shakes her head. “I know you two, Mercedes, Tina, Mike, and Sam all made good fun of us for wanting to have kids so early and that’s fine, it was how you guys felt, we would never be mad at that,” she says honestly. “However, the years went by... And then you guys were ready for kids, and we were still trying and I know all of you guys respect us enough to not pry into our private lives and ask exactly what was happening, and Finn and I are,” she says, gesturing her hand to Finn and herself. “Finn and I are so grateful you guys never tried to dig in further. Besides, we were never quite ready to utter the words out loud, but now we’re ready to share with you two.” Santana and Quinn both suck in a breath, fingers laced together as they listen closely every word Rachel is saying.

Rachel tilts her head, looking at Finn and receiving a small, soothing smile in return. “I have severe endometriosis, which, turns out, is kind of major obstacle if you want to get pregnant. Finn and I had tried pretty much about everything that’s available and we never had so much as positive result back. Not even one!” she says, thinking back on their journey and getting frustrated. “Looking back, it makes me _so_ angry. So angry that we love each other so much and we couldn’t have this. Why?” she asks rhetorically. “Why? Why was everyone having children and _we_ couldn’t? What exactly is wrong with us?”

Rachel closes her eyes, tears welling in her eyes, her small hands balling into fists as she shakes her body and forth for a little while. Finn spreads his fingers on her back, rubbing his hand against her as she lets the anger pour out of her. “It’s so unfair. So unfair that we worked so hard to build our relationship, we still work hard on our marriage and the Universe doesn’t care... the Universe doesn’t give a single piece of shit about us…” she trails off, a few tears slipping out of her eyes. She lifts her head and she can see that Quinn is already silently crying along with her. Santana has her eyes filled with tears, a look of pure sadness on her face as she watches Rachel talk.

“The Universe doesn’t care because it’s not like we’re bad people, you know? We’re not. And Heaven only knows how much of great parents we can be. But everything is always against us and it sucks. I’m not going to lie, it sucks and I _hate_ it,” she declares as she inhales slowly and lets the air out of her longs just as leisurely. “A few months ago, I thought I was pregnant. I didn’t tell Finn at first because I was absolutely freaking out. So I went to the drugstore and bought five pregnancy tests because I might as well go big or go home, right?” she jokes, laughing a little. “The next morning, I drank an insane amount of water and pee on those five sticks. And they all came back positive. All of them. Every single one. That had never happened, not in eight years of trying.” There’s a dreamy look on her face as she says it. “As soon as Finn got home, I showed it to him and we celebrated. You guys know us, we celebrated _good_.” The four of them let out a small laugh at Rachel’s words.

“So anyway, a few days later I went to get a blood test. When the results came back, I couldn’t stop staring at them. ‘Negative’, it said. In huge letters, which, of course, were the same sizes as the rest of them, but not for me. For me they were the biggest slap in the face that I have ever received from this… this _fucked up_ Universe,” she spits out, remembering exactly how she felt. “That was one of the worst days of my entire life, I couldn’t stop crying and my body was shaking and I honestly just wanted to die. I wanted to give up on everything and just die. And that kind of went on for a few days. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that someone decided to play this vile trick on us.”

“Rachel, I’m so sorry,” Quinn whispers.

“I’m a lot less angry now, so it’s almost kind of okay,” she replies honestly. Quinn and Santana nod their head seriously at Rachel’s response. Finn snuggles Rachel’s body closer to his and kisses the top of her head.

“Finn and I talked about getting a new doctor. And we did. Her name is Dr Susan Lewis and she’s amazing. She’s kind and she explains everything we ask. Twice!” she gushes. “She recommended that we should try _in vitro_. So we started treatment weeks ago… it was difficult at first because I needed to have my period so we could start on the medication and we waited and waited for it to come. And that’s why, San,” she says, looking into Santana’s eyes, a hint of a smile on her face. “ _That_ is why I was going to the bathroom so much. I was obsessively checking for my period because I couldn’t wait anymore.”

“I feel like an asshole, I’m sorry, Rachel,” Santana says.

“It’s okay,” she smiles. “Finn and I actually talked about telling you both on the same day that we went out to lunch. So you gave us the push we needed.”

“Yeah, your words were exactly what we needed, San,” Finn says. Rachel nods beside him. He looks down and silently asks Rachel if he can talk for a little while and she gives him a quick nod. “You know, dealing with all of this is very alienating and it’s very easy to get lost within our struggles so we definitely took a step back and isolated ourselves, from you guys, Mike, Sam, Tina, and Mercedes. Even our parents. And it’s not because we don’t love you guys, it’s just hard to juggle everything, you know?” Quinn and Santana give Rachel and Finn a compassionate look. Rachel gives them a small smile as Finn continues on talking. “It’s _so_ hard because sometimes we want to talk about it, but we don’t even know where to start. It’s difficult to overcome an entire process of failure upon failure, years of it. We were dragged down over and over again. We wanted to reach out, but we didn’t know how,” he explains.  “We also felt like we couldn’t face you guys if everything fell apart, you know? It’s one thing when just the two of us know and suffer with everything, but to inflict that kind of disappointment on our friends?” Finn shakes his head, a hard look on his face. “It’s just… we couldn’t fathom the very thought.”

“We just didn’t want to be a burden,” Rachel says flatly.

“Rach…” Quinn says, shaking her head.

“You two are _not_ a burden,” Santana insists. “You are our friends and we want to help in every way we can.” Quinn quickly nods beside her wife.

“We know you guys mean well,” Rachel says, “but all these years of heartache and disillusionment were really taxing on us and it’s really hard to reach out. We’ve been dying to tell you how our treatment was going, but we were scared to see the look of distress in your eyes if anything went wrong.”

“We understand,” Santana says. “But you know us, we worry. It’s like, our job or something.”

“We know, San,” Finn says.

“But we do want to talk about it now!” Rach says. She claps her hand together. Finn chuckles a little when a big smile on her face appears and she starts talking about every single detail of the treatment for the two very willing faces in front of her.

~.~

The next day, Rachel wakes up at 5am. Dr Lewis told her the clinic would call their house around 7:30am to let them know the time Rachel was supposed to be there for the transfer, but Rachel’s nerves were getting the best of her and her mind was fully awake by the time 5am came.

She rolls on the bed, eyes still closed as she yawns. She stretches her body, a quiet moan escaping her lips. In addition to her mornings with Finn, stretching her entire body on the bed is one of her favourite daily activities. Her arms move over to Finn’s side as she searches for him and the constant warmth his body always brings her. Her hands move around for a little bit, but don’t find anything. She opens her left eye and lifts her head.

“Honey?” She frowns when there’s no answer. Rubbing her hand over her eyes, she insists, her voice a little louder, “Finn?”

She hears their bathroom door opening and Finn pokes his head around the wall. “Hi, baby!” he greets. His torso is bare and she can see there’s a towel wrapped around his hip. She bites her lip at the sight of him, groaning internally that they can’t do anything sexual. “What are you doing up? It’s like 5am,” he says as he steps into the room, his hand holding his towel firmly in place.

She lets out a small laugh and shrugs. “Too anxious.”

He goes over to the bed and leans down, kissing her softly. “Me too,” he confesses against her lips. His eye swiftly light up with an idea. “Hey, you want to take a bath with me? I was just finishing setting everything up.”

“Yeah?” He nods, grinning. “I’d love that!”

Rachel kicks back the covers and slides over the bed, already reaching for her clothes and taking everything off. Finn grins at her and follows her to their bathroom.

~.~

Rachel is showered and ready at 7:30am when she gets the call to be at the clinic 8:45am.

And so it begins the journey. The journey to drink one litre of water.

As much as Rachel loves tea, water has been her favourite drink as long as she can remember and it is certainly most satisfying drink that has ever existed, but she’s not used to drinking so much of it in so little time. She drinks two glasses and her stomach complains a little, feeling a little nauseous already. 

Eyeing Finn, she moans a little, dramatically throwing her body back against the couch. Finn takes his eyes off the newspaper he’s reading and looks at her from over his glasses, giving her an amused look.

“Rach, take it slow. Drink it with a straw,” he advises. “You won’t even notice how much you drank. That’s why we have straws over the counter on the bar at the restaurant, people drink more and don’t even realise it,” he says, chuckling softly to himself.

“Ugh!” she whines. “I’m almost there, but I can’t do this anymore!”

“Yes, you can, beautiful. You did everything so far, you can do this,” he encourages. “Put the rest of the water in a metal water bottle so you can’t see how much you still have to drink. Trust me, it’ll work.”

Rachel gives him a small smile, getting up from her corner of the couch and standing in front of him. She kisses his head and says, “You’re a genius, Finn.” He winks at her over his shoulder and she heads to the kitchen.

Only one more hour until her baby is inside of her.

~.~

“Are we ready?” Dr Lewis asks, a kind smile on her face.

Finn and Rachel nod their heads. Rachel is already in her gown and robe, and Finn is wearing the scrubs Dr Lewis gave him. The excitement in the room is palpable, particularly because Dr Lewis said that Finn can be in the room whilst she’s transferring the embryos.

They stand up from the chairs they were sitting and follow Dr Lewis to the correct room.

Rachel lies down on the bed, doing what Dr Lewis asks her to. Finn sits on a stool right by her head, holding her left hand and kissing her knuckles.

The procedure happens faster than they both were expecting.

When Dr Lewis is transferring the embryo, Rachel and Finn can see the tiny teeny ball travelling inside the catheter in the screen by Rachel’s bed and that’s when Rachel starts whimpering, tears gathering in her eyes. She tries not to cry, but when Dr Lewis says, “It’s okay to feel emotional, Mrs Hudson,” Rachel loses it.

“Oh my gosh,” she breaths out, lower lip trembling and a few tears sliding down her face. “That is the most beautiful embryo that has ever existed in the world. Isn’t it, Finn?”

Finn has a fascinated look on his face as he watches what’s happening and he nods, a few tears welling up in his own eyes. “Yes, it is, sweetheart,” he agrees, leaning in and kissing Rachel’s quivering lips.

“Finn…” Rachel whispers. “That is our baby. _Our baby_.”

“I know, Rach…” Finn says, shaking his head in disbelief, a dumb folded look on his face.

“It’s our baby, Finn. Inside of me,” Rachel says in a quiet voice, like she can’t quite wrap her head around it.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Finn chokes out.

“Okay, we seem to be finished here,” Dr Lewis says. “We’re just going to check the catheter to see if the embryo was not re-aspirated, like I told you before, that can happen sometimes. In the meantime, please don’t move, Mrs Hudson. I’m going to hand over the catheter to Dr Lavoie and he’ll look in the microscope and give us the thumbs up if everything is okay.”

“I won’t. I won’t move at all,” Rachel says seriously. She doesn’t move a single millimetre as her eyes watch Dr Lewis’ movements, hoping and praying that the embryo is sticking inside of her right now and not back in the catheter.

Right by her head, Finn whispers, as if he were reading her thoughts, “Stick, baby, stick.”

Rachel meant it when she told Dr Lewis she wasn’t going to move so she just whispers back to Finn, “I love you, Finn.”

Finn leans closer and kisses Rachel’s head. “I love you so much, Rach.”

A few moments later, Dr Lewis gives Dr Lavoie thumbs up. “Everything went perfectly, Mrs Hudson. Stay right where you are,” she says as she finishes everything up. Rachel and Finn breathe a sigh of relief at their doctor’s words. “Don’t arch your back or move your legs, we’re going to do that for you.” Nurse Li brings over two pillows and sets them under Rachel’s legs as Dr Lewis lowers them. “Now we’re going to pull your body up on the bed so you can be more comfortable,” Dr Lewis says. Finn slides the stool he’s sitting out of the way as Dr Lewis and Nurse Li gently hook their arms under Rachel’s armpits and bring her body up on the bed.

“You did so well, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis says, standing up next to Rachel. She reaches for Rachel’s hand and takes them in hers. “Beautiful job, you both did great,” she says, looking at Rachel, then a Finn. “Now just relax and let’s hold for the better outcome, yes?”

Rachel nods, a few tears still spilling out of her eyes as she thanks Dr Lewis.

“Yeah, thank you so much, Dr Lewis. We really appreciate it,” Finn chimes in, a thankful smile on his face.

“You’re very much welcome, Mr and Mrs Hudson,” she says sincerely. “Now we just have to wait about 20 to 30 minutes and you guys can go home. Nurse Li and I are going to give you guys some privacy now, but before you leave go to my office so we can talk about what comes next.”

Finn and Rachel nod their head as Dr Lewis and Nurse Li head for the door, opening and closing it behind them.

Rachel looks at Finn, her lower lip trembling and a sob rips through her. Finn leans closer and curves his arm around her head, letting her cry on his chest.

“F-Finn, we-we really ha-have a baby inside of-of me,” she cries.

Finn hugs her closer. “We do, Rach, we really, really do.” He kisses the side of her head as her small fingers curl on his shirt, bringing him impossibly closer to her.

Rachel tries to control her breathing, falling for the first few minutes; her sobs remain still strong enough to slightly shake her small body.

Minutes go by before all Finn can hear is her sniffling as her heart rate slows down and her small fists let go of his shirt.

She tilts her head back, looking up at him, her face swollen and red from crying so much.

“Wasn’t our baby embryo the most beautiful baby embryo you have ever seen in your life, Finn?”

He chuckles slightly. “It definitely was the most beautiful baby embryo I have ever seen, Rach.”

She gives him a content smile and snuggles her face further into his chest.

~.~

Dr Lewis tells them that they have to wait 10 days before taking a blood test, specifically a quantitative serial beta-hCG test, to check to see if Rachel's pregnant. Because the purpose of the test is to indicate hormone quantities, a urine pregnancy test will be fruitless anyway; so as much as Rachel is anxious about the entire process, taking a regular test is not going to be productive in the slightest. Rachel pouts and complains, just a little bit, but concurs and promises Dr Lewis she's going to wait. Finn gives her a proud smile and she beams in return, also very pleased with herself.

10 days go by fast... right?

* * *

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


	9. Chapter 9

**nine.**

**test period**

Surprisingly enough, Rachel manages to not have a breakdown during the waiting period Dr Lewis stipulated. She writes a long list of all the things she has to do and she does them, taking every single second as they come, completely taking her mind of the test and focusing on the task at hand.

She figures she keeps her cool because of Finn. When they first talked about trying to get pregnant, he told her one of the things she will take with her in her heart forever.

“You can’t focus on the finale, Rach,” he said, reaching for her hands. “You have to live the moment as it happens, trying not to worry about the end. It’s like what athletes say, you know? You can’t run a marathon thinking about the finish line because you will get tired and irritated faster than anything else and you will wear yourself out.” He stroke his thumb against her knuckles as he looked into her eyes, trying to calm her down. “You cannot count the seconds it will take you to finish something, that is like, super counter-productive. You have to deal with things as they come. We will be okay, baby, you just have to wait and see, okay?” He kissed her lips and that was it. The best advice she had ever received. And one that she would always remember in times of need. Like this one.

So her long list works wonders. She does every piece of laundry she can find, she takes all the curtains and all the carpets in the house to get dry cleaned (obviously Finn is the one who lifts the heavy furniture and also the one who climbs stairs to remove said curtains). She buys new bedding sets, plenty for their bedroom, but also a few for each guest bedroom, she buys new pillows for the couch on the basement. She calls the right people to come over and clean the AC in the entire house. She buys this new hand soap she’s been dying to get, this soap she found in Dr Lewis clinic’s bathroom. It is a pear and melon scented liquid soap and she wants to cry, it smells _so_ good. She even goes to the store and buys plenty of refills because she’s so obsessed with them, dropping by Santana and Quinn’s house to give them some. She also goes to the Finn’s favourite wine store and buys a few bottles of his favourite white wine as a thank you for being such a wonderful husband.

So… yeah. With her time fully occupied, the day for her beta-hCG test comes and she’s extremely calm and collected. She doesn’t even flinch when her blood is being drawn. Of course, Finn sitting by her said doesn’t hurt, but she likes to think she’s proud of herself, and that she would behave just as good if he weren’t there with her. And she would have, if Finn’s soft words are anything to go by.

~.~

The day after the test, they head into Dr Lewis office with their results in hand. A part of Rachel wanted to look, but she decided against it because what is the point of working up her anxiety? If there’s anything wrong, she doesn’t want to suffer until the appointment anyway.

They get inside Dr Lewis’ office and sit down. Rachel slides the envelope over the desk and their doctor reaches and opens it. As she’s reading through them, she draws her eyebrows together and Rachel’s heart instantly drops to her stomach.

That is a not a good look for any doctor to have.

She reaches her hand to lace her fingers through Finn’s and she notices his face is just as anxious as hers.

“Mm…” Dr Lewis mutters. She leans closer to the paper, a troubled expression on her face as she reads the results. She lifts her head and looks at them and Rachel swears she has never been this nervous before. She wants to laugh because _really_? She’s been through so much and _this_ is the most nervous she has ever been?

“Your beta results indicate 95 UI/L, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis says. “Do you know what means?”

Rachel’s eyes promptly fill with tears as she nods her head, her heart stopping right there in her chest.

“It means I’m not pregnant,” she says in a small voice.

Finn gasps at Rachel’s words. “ _What_?”

“Now, hold on a second, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis quickly says. “It does _not_ mean a definite negative.”

Rachel wants to try, but she cannot even hear anything at this point. She cradles her face in her hands as she cries, rocking her body a little as she thinks back about everything so far. Everything she went through with those _damn_ shots, all those pimples, the swelling, the painful procedures… why? Why is this happening?

“I don’t understand what the hell is happening right now,” Finn says, his voice hard, clearly demanding an explanation from someone. Anyone.

“It means we’re not pregnant and all this was in vain, Finn!” Rachel screams.

Finn instantly puts his arms around her, trying to comfort her when Dr Lewis says, “Please don’t cry, Mrs Hudson. It does not mean you’re not pregnant, I promise you. I have had patients who had results similar to yours and they all turned out pregnant.”

Rachel tries to take a deep breath, a few hiccups escaping her lips as she slides her hands down her face. Her body is still shaking a little and she still feels like shit, but she needs to figure this out. Rachel remembers reading about women coming back with results as low as 80 UI/L and getting pregnant, but she didn’t think it would happen to her. At least, she didn’t hope it would. After everything they’ve been through, she was expecting a much better result. This sucks a lot.

She takes a few moments to collect herself and she’s thankful that Finn and Dr Lewis are waiting for her to be ready. After calming herself down she says in a low voice, “I’m sorry for yelling.”

Dr Lewis gives her a gentle smile. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise. I can only imagine what you must be feeling.” She reaches behind her and grabs a tissue box, extending the box so Rachel can take a few.

Rachel knows Finn wants an explanation, but she can find the strength to tell him what this mean. When she sees Dr Lewis looking at Finn, she’s grateful she won’t have to be one who explains it to him because it hurts so much, just the thought she’s going to fail again.

“The average first beta result comes back with a 200 UI/L, Mr Hudson,” Dr Lewis says.

Finn looks at her, a confused look on his face. “But 95 is not too far from 200, right? Like, how bad can this be?”

“It’s not actually bad. We won’t celebrate _just yet_. A lot of things can still happen. Rachel will come back to the laboratory tomorrow and have another beta test. Her results should double from whatever it is right now and then we’ll take it from there, okay?”

Rachel looks at Dr Lewis and says, “But this should be the fifth week of pregnancy, right?” Dr Lewis nods at Rachel question. “I just don’t—”

“No, wait a second,” Finn interrupts. “Fifth week? Didn’t we just transferred the embryo eleven days ago?” he asks.

Dr Lewis and Rachel nod. Rachel turns her body towards her husband and cradles his hands in hers as she says, “The gestation starts counting from the first day I had my period, honey,” Rachel explains. “I’m sorry for not explaining this before, I was just in my head a lot, I thought I told you.”

“It’s okay, Rach,” he says quietly. “You don’t have to apologise. I should be the one apologising. I should have looked this up, I’m such a dumb ass.”

“You’re not.” Rachel gives him a small smile to reassure him. “It’s okay, Finn.”

Finn kisses Rachel’s temple and says, “Sorry for interrupting.”

Rachel shakes her head at him and turns to Dr Lewis again, “I just don’t understand, by the fifth week, my test results should have been way over 200 UI/L.”

“Mrs Hudson, I know you’ve been researching this subject a lot, but trust me when I say, 95 UI/L is _not_ a bad result. I’ve had patients with the first result being 75 UI/L and they got to carry full term,” Dr Lewis says. “It just looks bad for you because you probably read stories about women who had a 200 UI/L result on their first beta, but this is not bad. We have to take your entire process into account. Let’s not lose hope, we’ve come so far already.”

“Okay,” Rachel says.

“You need come back two days from now and we’ll see the results from the second test and do an ultrasound, all right?”

“I will try not to lose my mind until then,” Rachel jokes, getting a small laugh from Dr Lewis and a smile from Finn.

They’ve been through so much already, two days can’t hurt that much.

~.~

Two days later, they’re sitting in Dr Lewis office when she opens the dreaded envelope once again. Rachel’s chewing on her bottom lip and Finn’s moving his leg up and down. At least they’re in this together, one just as anxious as the other one.

The last two days have been kind of a drag. Santana and Quinn knew they had an appointment and Santana sent Finn a text asking how it went and Rachel swears, he almost cried when he got the text. First because he was upset with the results. And then he confessed that even though it had been a bad day for them, he could at least count on their friends to vent a little. Santana and Quinn ended up coming over and talking to Finn and Rachel, trying to calm them down and give them a little bit of strength. Okay, a lot of strength. Rachel cried through most of their conversation, but it was worth it. Finn was right, having someone on their corner made the bad results not that bad anymore. She just wishes she had told them from the beginning because those awful and lonely nights she and Finn spent together wouldn’t have been so bad.

So here they are. Sitting in front of Dr Lewis and as she reads through the paper in her hands. She reaches a certain point and a big smile graces her face. Rachel’s heart speeds up and she sits a little straighter, waiting for Dr Lewis to say the words she’s been waiting for such a long time.

“Well,” Dr  Lewis starts, “I am very glad to report your beta results are 250 UI/L, Mrs Hudson. They have more than doubled.”

Finn laughs a little and Rachel looks up at him and finds tears in his eyes. Tears that match her own and she’s so, _so_ thankful to have him in this journey with her, he couldn’t have been a better husband.

Rachel lets out a squeal, clapping her hand. “Really?!”

“Yes, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis says. “Congratulations, you are officially pregnant!”

“OH MY GOSH!” Rachel screams, covering her mouth as tears fall freely from her eyes.

“Finally!” Finn screams, hugging his wife and kissing the side of her head.

Finn and Rachel celebrate, hugging each other and kind of jumping around. They hug Dr Lewis, too, and she fully embraces both of them, very happy to be able to help the couple.

Settling down once again, both Finn and Rachel wipe their eyes, huge smiles on their faces as they look at Dr Lewis.

“Let’s go and get that first ultrasound picture, shall we?”

~.~

“Do you see this small oval-ish part?” Dr Lewis asks, her fingertip point to the well, _oval-ish_ black part of the screen. Finn and Rachel both nod. “That is your gestational sac, Mrs Hudson.”

“Oh my gosh… it’s so beautiful!” Rachel gushes.

“Yes, it is, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis agrees.

“Our baby is inside this tiny weird sac?” Finn asks, his eyes narrowing as he focuses on the screen. “I can’t see the baby, though.”

Rachel lets out a small giggle at her husband’s words. “The baby is too small yet, Finn. They’re like, 1 millimetre at the moment.”

“Oh,” Finn says, a sheepish look on his face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, Mr Hudson, next week we’ll be able to see a small white circle inside the gestational sac,” Dr Lewis says. “We won’t be able to see the baby just yet, but it’s going to be a better view.”

“I can’t wait,” Finn breathes.

Dr Lewis cleans Rachel’s belly, pulling down her top, and hands her and Finn the very first picture of their baby.

They’re heading home and Rachel can’t stop starring at it, a look of pure wonder on her face. She keeps shaking her head, a huge smile colouring her features.

Finn has known Rachel for a very long time, but he has never seen this smile before. He knows all of her smiles, all of her laughs, all of her giggles, all of her cries, all of her pissed off looks. He knows and loves all of her. But he has never seen this smile before. He feels a warm feeling spread through his body, his heart feeling full and he’s so fucking happy.

He can’t believe they’re pregnant. They’re really, _really_ pregnant.

~.~

They call Santana and Quinn and share the news. Finn’s not one hundred per cent positive, but he cannot remember a time when they screamed this hard. He’s pretty sure Grace’s ears have so kind of damage by now. He hopes not because he doesn’t ever want his niece to be in any kind of pain, but my goodness… he didn’t think they were capable of being so loud.

Quinn insists they come over so she can “hug them until they scream for her to stop” and they do. They’re parking the car outside of their house when the door opens and Finn can see Quinn’s face stained with tears. She turns her head inside and Finn can tell she’s asking Santana to come to the door. He looks at Rachel and her lower lip is quivering and he knows she’s trying not to break down, but she deserves this. This would be a very happy reason to cry, so he tells her that and she nods, big tears flowing from her eyes as she leans over the console and kisses him.

“I love you so much,” she sobs against his lips, fingertips ghosting the side of his jaw. They share a watery smile and Finn can feel his face wet, too. And not because of Rachel’s tears, these are his tears and dammit, he has earned them. Him and Rachel.

By the time Rachel’s coming out of the car, she’s already bawling and holding her hand to her heart. Quinn looks at them and a sob rips through her. Santana’s right behind her and when Quinn hugs Rachel and kisses her face all over, saying how happy she is for them, Santana almost crushes Finn with the biggest hug he has ever received of her. He’d think anyone, but Rachel is surprisingly the best hugger he knows.

Santana is crying against his neck and he hugs her tightly. When she says, “I knew, I _knew_ this would happen for you guys,” he breaks down and almost falls down to his knees if it weren’t for his best friend holding him upright

Rachel and Quinn join them and the four of them hug and cry together and it’s the happiest Finn has felt in a long time. He’s so, so happy he and Rachel decided to lean on Quinn and Santana. Sharing their pain felt like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders, but sharing their happiness? Absolutely priceless.

~.~

“Do you think we should go shopping for baby clothes?” Finn asks the next day over breakfast.

Rachel is flipping some banana pancakes on the stove, her right leg forming a triangle with her left one as she rests her left hand on her hips. She’s humming some random song.

She stops what she’s doing and looks up at him. “Not yet, honey.”

Finn frowns. “Why not?”

“I know you want to celebrate. Trust me, I do too.”

Finn tilts his head to the side and blinks. “I don’t get it then.”

Rachel sighs a little and shakes her head. Finn gives her an inquiring look and she signals she’ll talk to him in a minute. She takes the pancake out of the fridge and puts it on a plate right by the stove. Walking over to their breakfast bar, she sets her plate down and reaches for his hand. Finn quickly embraces it and rubs his thumb against her knuckles. Whatever she’s about to say it’s important, she doesn’t just sigh when she’s happy or whatever, so Finn waits for her to say what she needs to say.

“I want to wait until I’m twelve weeks along to do anything at all. Maybe even wait until I’m fifteen weeks along.”

“Why?”

“Honey, I’m so scared,” she confesses. “I’m so scared something bad will happen or that I’m going to get into some freak accident and lose our baby… I’m just… I’m scared. Of everything. All the time.”

“Rach…” he whispers.

“ _Please_ understand, Finn.”

Finn gets up from his seat and walks over to Rachel. He closes his arms around her and kisses the top of her head, nodding his head as he agrees. She thanks him in a quiet voice and offers him a small smile, thankful he understands her fears. Finn kisses her on the lips gently and promises not to speak of it again unless she brings it up first.

~.~

One week after the first beta test results, Finn and Rachel come back to Dr Lewis’ office. If this all goes well, Rachel will be able to set up an appointment with her regular gynaecologist and they will say their farewells (for now) to Dr Lewis. Dr Lewis just wants to make sure everything is one hundred per cent correct and perfect before finishing their time together and sending Rachel and Finn to have a wonderful life together with their (hopefully first) child.

Dr Lewis squirts the gel on Rachel’s belly and starts the ultrasound. She moves her hand around for a moment, looking closely at the screen and narrowing her eyes.

She’s taking way too long for comfort and Rachel starts to feel anxiety taking over her emotions as her heartbeat speeds up. “Is something wrong?” she asks.

“I should be able to easily find the embryo, but I’m having a hard time right now,” Dr Lewis says. “Do you mind if I call Dr Lavoie in here for a moment?”

Rachel sighs. “Am I not pregnant, Dr Lewis?” she asks bluntly. “Because this entire week might as well just give me a heart attack,” she admits. Finn bites his lower lip to keep from smiling. He laces his fingers through Rachel’s and squeezes her hand, sending her some quiet comfort.

Dr Lewis gives Rachel a reassuring smile. “You don’t need to worry, Mrs Hudson,” she says kindly. “I would just like a second opinion on what I’m seeing. Will you be uncomfortable if I call him in here?”

Rachel shakes her head. “You can call him. Sorry for the minor freak-out.”

“It’s okay, Mrs Hudson, you are allowed to be worried, there’s nothing wrong with that,” she says, getting up from her stool and heading for the door, but not before taking her gloves off and discarding them.

After Dr Lewis leaves the room, Rachel turns her head towards Finn and says in a quiet voice, “Finn, what if I’m not really pregnant?” Her eyes are wide and her lower lip is poking out.

“Rach, come on... don’t say that. Let’s just wait for Dr Lewis and Dr Lavoie, okay? Please, _please_ don’t stress about this, baby.”

Rachel takes a deep breath and nods her head, trying to calm down her nerves. She tries to think of something Quinn told her the other day. It’s all about focusing on her breathing, which she already did, but then you imagine a tiny baby in your arms and their sleepy face staring back at you… it takes a little while, but Rachel’s anxiety eventually fades and she feels a soothing feeling spreading through her. She just wants this appointment to be done so she can have her baby in her arms. That’s it. That’s all she wants. Well, Finn needs to be by her side, of course.

When Dr Lewis and Dr Lavoie come back, Rachel is much calmer. They both clean their hands, putting new pairs of gloves.

“Hello, Mr and Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lavoie says, a warm smile on his face. “I’m just here to double check, I’m sure everything’s fine.”

Dr Lewis repeats the procedure of squirting gel on Rachel’s belly and re-starts the ultrasound. She moves around for a moment before stopping and pointing at the screen, quietly saying something to Dr Lavoie. They search for something on the screen, Dr Lewis letting Dr Lavoie conduct the ultrasound after a while.

Suddenly, Dr Lavoie smiles, pointing at something on the screen. “Mr and Mrs Hudson, do you see this very thin and faded white line?” he asks, turning his head towards Rachel.

Rachel squints her eyes and shakes her head. “Not really.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Finn says.

“Wait a second, I’ll bring the monitor closer to you two,” Dr Lewis says. She goes around the bed and pushes the monitor closer to Finn and Rachel.

Dr Lavoie tries again, “Here, just on the right side of the gestational sac, see?”

Rachel gasps. “Oh my gosh, I see it now! There’s our baby, Finn.”

Finn leans closer and shakes his head. “I still can’t see it,” he says sadly. “I should have brought my glasses,” he curses under his breath.

“It’s okay, Mr Hudson, you will have plenty of chances to see your baby,” Dr Lewis says warmly. “I’m sorry for scaring you earlier, Mrs Hudson.”

“It’s fine, Dr Lewis,” Rachel promises. “We went through so much already, sometimes I can’t quite believe this is really happening, you know? And every chance reality has to slap my face, it’s like I’m willing to take it.”

“I understand, Mrs Hudson.”

“Congratulations on your pregnancy, Mr and Mrs Hudson. I am very happy for you both,” Dr Lavoie says. He discards his gloves and leaves the room, letting Rachel, Finn, and Dr Lewis alone.

“I’m going to clean up your stomach and then we can talk about what comes next, all right?” Dr Lewis asks, already taking out a few paper towels and wiping Rachel’s stomach.

~.~

“Because of the IVF, your hormone levels had to adjust faster than a natural pregnancy, Mrs Hudson,” Dr Lewis says.

They’re back in her office, a new ultrasound picture on their hands and they sit there beaming at Dr Lewis. Rachel feels happy and calm nos. A tiny teeny part of her brain is freaking out a little and can’t quite believe there’s an actual baby inside of her, but she’ll ignore that part because she is pregnant. She is.

Dr Lewis carries on talking, which is great and takes Rachel’s attention away from her minor freak out. “This means your reaction to these increased levels can, and most likely will, take a toll on you.”

“Yes?” Rachel asks.

“Every pregnancy is unique, but there are some symptoms that we expect from all of them. Mood swings, morning sickness, tiredness, general feelings of exhaustion, sore breasts, headaches, constipation, faintness… you’re 6 weeks by now, so morning sickness should kick in. Have you felt it yet?”

“Not really, but Finn and I did some research online, and talk to our nutritionist as well. She told us which foods to avoid and what to eat so I can minimise morning sickness as much as I can.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees, “I never thought I’d make bland food because Rachel loves spices, but here we are, eating bland chicken and plain baked potato like it’s the most delicious thing in the world.”

Dr Lewis laughs a little and says, “If it’s helping that’s all that matters, right?”

Rachel nods, but makes a sour face. Damn, she misses spices! Finn’s grandparents were Brazilian and if she can’t eat some delicious Brazilian food on a weekly basis, she can get very upset.

Dr Lewis gives them a few more recommendations and says that Rachel can go back to her regular gynaecologist now that their treatment is complete. Rachel cries a little when saying goodbye to Dr Lewis and the woman also tears up.

“I’m sure we’ll see you again, Dr Lewis,” Rachel says. “We definitely want to try again and you have been so good to us, I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere else.”

Dr Lewis gives Rachel and Finn a soft smile and says, “It will be my pleasure, Mr and Mrs Hudson.”

~.~

Rachel’s getting ready for bed after her shower when Finn walks into their bathroom and gives her a small smile. He’s already in his pyjamas and an old Canucks t-shirt, stepping into the bathroom to brush his teeth before bed.

Rachel’s standing in front of the mirror completely naked as she rubs lotion over body, paying close attention to her belly, her hand moving in soothing circles and Finn can’t stop staring at her. And it’s not because she’s naked either. Okay, so that obviously doesn’t hurt or anything, but she has this… this _glow_ around her. He always read and heard about pregnant women glowing, but he thought people were exaggerating. After all, when you love someone, they are _always_ glowing in some way. At least that’s what he always felt about Rachel. He guesses it’s because of her bubbly and perky personality, but she always seems to glow and she unquestionably always lights up any room she’s in.

But this is like, a whole new level of glowing.

She’s already different and she hasn’t been pregnant for that long. Her hair is shinier, her smile is bigger, her face is more peaceful and it’s like there’s this beautiful aura around her all the time. It was always hard for him to look away from her, but it’s even harder now. He doesn’t mind, though, this is a good problem to have. The best problem. His wife is stunning and he’s just about the luckiest human that has ever lived. Probably.

Finn quickly brushes his teeth and then stands beside her, just looking at her, taking her beautiful presence in. Her belly is just stretched just a little bit, but he can definitely tell the difference because he knows her body like the back of his hand.

He reaches for her lotion and asks in a quiet voice, “May I?”

She gives him a smile and nods, turning her body and resting her back against the sink so he has room to touch her.

Finn pours the cream in his hands and stands in front of Rachel, softly pressing his hands against her warm skin. He can feel Rachel’s muscles clenching as he rubs her small bump carefully a few times, his thumb working around her belly button as his fingers close around her belly, moving in random patterns. He pays attention to every millimetre of skin before moving to her sides and upper stomach. He presses his fingers against her side, his thumb caressing the slight curve of her waist and Rachel giggles a little.

“It tickles.”

God, she’s cute.

Finn leans over and kisses her shoulders before continuing on his path. His hands drop to her hips and he moves his hands to circle her body. Since he has very large hands and Rachel’s quite the small person, he ends up spreading some cream on the small of her back, too. She then turns her body so Finn can finish her back, pulling her hair to the side of her head and giving him room to work.

Finn picks up the lotion and pours more on his hand, rubbing them against her back, trying to massage her shoulders since he’s already touching her. She loves when he does that, so he figures it can’t hurt. He kneads her muscles and Rachel lets out an appreciative moan, her head tipping back, her signature tell that she’s loving every second of this. He’s glad because touching her makes _him_ happy. Because she’s loving it, Finn uses the tips of his fingers to press against her spine, rubbing circles as his hands ascend her body, and she moans again, her cute butt sticking out as her back arches a little.

Finn curves his hands around her waist and moves them up and down her body until there’s no more lotion on his hands. He gently turns Rachel’s body again and pours just a little bit of lotion on his hands. He moves his hands closer to her breasts, giving her a look, silently asking for her permission. He didn’t think she’d say no, but it’s always good to make sure this is what she wants. Even more so considering their appointment with Dr Lewis and the hormone levels and everything… he doesn’t ever want to make her uncomfortable, so he’s always going to make sure whatever he’s doing is what she wants.

She consents with a nod so he rubs his hands over her breasts, paying attention to the sides and under because he knows how much she takes care of her skin there. He remembers her saying something about this particular part of her body being extra sensitive before so he figures, if it’s sensitive, it has to be taken care of pretty good, right?

His hands run out of lotion, but he keeps touching her body, fingertips ghosting her prickly skin, travelling all over her torso, arms and hands in random patterns. It drives her crazy, the teasing. But he knows she loves it so he teases her a bit.

Never taking her eyes off of his, Rachel rests her hands over Finn’s so she can feel his hands moving over her body. Finn knows it’s one of her favourite things in the entire world. She loves to feel his muscles flex when he’s touching her so she loves to rest her hands over his as he’s touching her body. The way she stares into his eyes in moments like this… it’s super intimate and it never fails to make a shiver run down his spine. She’s really, really awesome at this eye contact thing. Just one more reason as to why he’s lucky to be with her.

Finn moves his hands to her face and tips her head back, his body flat against her, trapping her between his frame and the sink. Rachel licks her lips and he closes the space between them, pressing his lips against hers. He bites her lower lip and Rachel opens her mouth for him, coaxing his tongue out to play with hers. She lazily explores the insides of his mouth, her tongue caressing and curling around his. It feels amazing and a deep moan rumbles in Finn’s throat and enters Rachel’s mouth, which making her groan and press her hips against him.

Rachel curves her right hand on the side of Finn’s face and presses her nails against the side of his jaw, just the way he likes it. He shudders under her ministration and pulls her body impossibly closer. Her left hand finds purchase in his hair and she pulls his hair strands and Finn needs to be inside of her right now or he’s going to cry, so he bends his legs and closes his arms around her body, lifting Rachel’s body off the floor. She shrieks and snakes her legs around his waist as he moves them to their bed.

He gently lays Rachel on the bed and she moves up until her head can hit the pillows, giving him a cheeky smile and cocking her fingers, wordlessly asking him to join her. Finn grins and takes off his clothes, climbing on top of her and kissing her breathless. Rachel whines a little and presses the heels of her hands against his chest, her nails dragging into his skin. Finn angles his hips and brushes against her centre, making her moan and throw her head back, her eyes close as a wave of pleasure runs through her. Finn looks down at her and smiles at the sight, she is _so_ beautiful.

Finn slides his hand down Rachel’s body and when he feels that she’s ready for him, he takes hold of himself and presses against her. It’s been a while since they’ve done this because of the fertility treatment so Finn needs to take a moment to adjust to the sensation of her snug walls hugging him tightly. Rachel gasps and clings to his back, desperate lips finding the side of Finn’s face as she traces her tongue on his jaw and face until she finds his mouth, kissing him urgently.

She whines against his lips, desperate for some friction. “ _Finn_ …”

“I know, baby,” he whispers against her lips. He raises his upper body a little and props his arms on either side of Rachel’s face, looking deeply into her eyes as he starts moving his hips. Rachel doesn’t shy away from his gaze, opening her mouth and tracing her tongue on her bottom lip. If a glance could kill or bring him to his knees, it would be this exact one.

Jesus Christ, she’s sexy as fuck.

They move against each other in a perfect rhythm, one that two people can only have after knowing and understanding each other for a long time. Finn speaks the language of Rachel’s body perfectly and right now she’s telling him she wants it long and deep so he picks up his pace and angles his hips, trying to touch the sweet spot inside of her that makes her crazy.

Rachel cries out and he’s pretty sure he did it, so he keeps doing it in a steady pace and soon enough she’s tripping over the edge taking him with her. Finn doesn’t stop moving and kisses her hard, swallowing her little cries of pleasure and groaning back into her mouth. When he blinks his eyes open, he can see that Rachel’s eyes are welling up tears.

“Finn…” she whispers softly, her eyes shining. “We’re really, really pregnant,” she says in a small voice, her lower lip trembling.

Finn gives her a heartfelt glance and he sighs, his own eyes starting to gather tears. He tenderly curls his palm against her cheek and delicately kisses her forehead, eyelids, cheek, nose until he finally reaches her lips. Rachel closes her eyes in bliss as Finn offers her a breathy kiss. He gently pushes their trembling lips together, whispering against her mouth, “Yes, baby. We really, _really_ are.”

* * *

**Yay, they're pregnant!**

**Thank you for reading. :)**

 


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